How Are You?

It happens literally dozens of times everyday. I’m walking to class or sitting down for lunch or hanging out by the water fountain, and suddenly it happens. I see another person and one of us says, “Hey! How are you?” The other person replies, “Good! How are you?” And then that person responds with, “I’m good!” And then it’s over. That’s the end of the conversation. Each of us continues to go about his or her day. We’ll both probably forget that so-called conversation within a couple of minutes. And neither of us walks away with a sense of actual connection with another person or any idea of what the other person is actually going through. I know it may sounds like a small thing, but to me, it just feels so empty. And that is really starting to bother me.

Most of the time when we ask someone how they’re doing, we aren’t really asking out of concern for their person well-being. We’re just being polite. And that’s a shame. I’m as guilty of it as anyone else, so this blog post (like most that I write) is directed towards myself as much as it is towards anyone else. But this is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I thought it might be worth writing about.

The problem isn’t trying to be polite. Politeness is a good thing. That’s why we teach it to children. It shows them how to act in a socially acceptable way and show respect to other people. That’s great. But it becomes an issue when it goes from trying to be polite to putting on a facade of caring about one another’s well-being when we really don’t. Or maybe we really do, but we’re not taking the time to really give the other person an opportunity to share how they’re doing and share with them how we’re doing. It’s become a socially acceptable lie, and I don’t wish to be a part of it anymore.

Because the truth is that I’m not always feeling good. The truth is that a lot of the time, I’m feeling sad, or frustrated, or anxious. But I would never tell someone that just in passing. I think that asking someone, “How are you?” and expecting them to respond with, “Good,” is a way of promoting shallowness and even inauthenticity when we interact with one another. We say we want people to be real, and yet we don’t really give them a chance to be. Instead of truly showing care for their well-being, we pretend that we do when really all we’re saying is, “Hello.”

I’m not saying this is done with bad intent. Sometimes, it can change the entire course of my day when someone simply asks me, “How are you doing?” And I try to make a point to ask people how they’re doing just in case there is something they need to talk about. But the vast majority of the time, the question, “How are you?” ends with a shallow, easy-to-forget interaction that doesn’t do much for either person involved. And maybe I’m crazy, but I think we can do better than that.

So here’s what I’m proposing. I’m going to attempt to do this, and if you’d like to try it, you can, too. From here on out, when I ask someone how they’re doing, I’m going to mean it. I’m going to give them a real opportunity to tell me how they’re doing, not just use it as a polite way to say hello in passing. And when someone asks me how I’m doing, I’m going to be honest with them. Now I’m not going to tell my whole life story to a stranger on the street, but I’m going to say something other than just, “Good.” When I’m happy, I’ll tell them I’m happy. When I’m stressed, I’ll tell them I’m stressed. I’m going to be real with them. And maybe that will give them an opportunity to be real with me, too.

Because that’s what we really crave. Real, authentic, meaningful connections with our fellow human beings. We want someone to truly ask us how we’re doing and mean it. So I’m choosing to mean it. And I hope you will, too. Thank you for reading, friends. I would love to talk with you and hear (for real) how you’re doing, so feel free to hit me up on social media anytime. Have a great week!

That One Looming Thing

I’ve had this feeling on and off for a long time. But mostly on. And I may be the only person in the world who feels this way, so please forgive me if you find this blog post to be unrelatable. But for the past four years or so, I’ve had this dreadful feeling come over me from time to time. It feels like there is constantly some huge obstacle looming ahead of me in the future. It’s something that I fear, something I know I’m going to dread doing, and something I’m probably going to put off until the last minute because I absolutely do not want to face it. It could be a paper, a project at work, or an uncomfortable conversation, but I feel like there is almost always something looming over me. And I don’t like it. So I’m writing a blog post to help myself think through it. You’re welcome.

This weekend, I finished two major projects. I edited a wedding video for two of my dear friends, and I wrote a term paper for my Introduction to Christian History class. These were big projects that took a lot of time and energy, but they weren’t that difficult. I actually enjoyed doing them. But they had been stressing me out for the past month as I was procrastinating and procrastinating on them. Why? Because I was afraid of them. They were looming over me, and they got scarier and scarier with time.

The truth is that the hardest part of those projects was choosing to get started. Once I got the ball rolling, everything else fell into the place. The video turned out great, and I’m actually pretty proud of my paper. That’s the thing about these looming things. They’re really not that bad once you get started. But you have to get past the fear and actually take that first step. That’s the only difficult part.

But there’s another thing about these things that loom over me. Once I get past one of them, it seems like I barely have time to celebrate before another one pops up. And then the cycle starts all over again. Right now, I’m in a stress-free place. I don’t have anything majorly difficult going on until finals. But I already have this subtle feeling that there’s no way this bliss can last. Something else is going to be looming over me soon, I just know it.

So what can we do about these things that loom over us? How can we break the cycle? As you can probably tell, I haven’t quite mastered that yet. But I’m going to try something. I’m choosing to see these big, looming projects not as obstacles but as goals to accomplish. I’m trying to remember that they’re not as bad as they seem; all I have to do is start, and everything else will work itself out. I’m going to choose to take that first step sooner rather than later so that I can enjoy the stress-free bliss for longer periods of time before something else comes along. Basically, I’m choosing to stand up to the looming things rather than avoid them like I’ve done in the past.

Again, I’m sorry if this post isn’t something you relate to. But I have to think I’m not the only one who feels this way. And it’s time for it to stop. I’m choosing not to dread things anymore. It’s time to face the big challenges, to overcome them, and to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes after it. No more looming things. Who’s with me?

Baby Steps

Lately, I’ve been putting a lot of effort into being more healthy. And it’s been awesome. I feel better, I look better, and (as cheesy as it sounds) I actually enjoy life a little more. I think that is a direct result of shedding the “crappy” feeling one gets after eating junk food and keeping an inconsistent sleep schedule for four years. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am living a completely healthy lifestyle just yet, but I’m a lot better than I was, and I’m happy with that.

But my healthier lifestyle didn’t happen all at once. I didn’t wake up one day and say, “I’m going to exercise my body every day, eat foods that are good for me, and regularly get plenty of sleep,” and then just do it. Those were obviously the goals I set, and I feel like I’m doing pretty well in each of them now, but it was a process that took some time. I started off by cutting out soda from my diet. I know it sounds crazy, but I haven’t had a Mello Yello in almost five months. Then I started jogging a little bit in the mornings, and along with that, I started keeping a strict, consistent sleep schedule. Gradually, I started adding to my exercise regimen and switching out unhealthy foods I was eating for healthy ones. I got to where I am now by taking small steps and making seemingly insignificant changes that eventually added up to something huge: a healthier lifestyle. To put it another way, I took baby steps.

Baby steps often seem frustrating at first. It can be discouraging when you make a change but don’t see the results immediately. I’m not going to lie, I really wanted to see myself slim up a bit when I started running in the morning. But the truth is that the steps I was taking at first weren’t really steps toward weight loss. They were steps towards other steps that would eventually lead me into habits that would, in time, lead to weight loss and to me having a healthier shape. But even shaping up is a process that involves small steps. If I had given up when the first step I took didn’t have immediate, recognizable results, I would have never made it to the next step. Now, I’m starting to see some more tangible results of my work, and I’m extremely glad I stuck with it and took the small steps that led to other small steps that eventually led to my goal.

While taking baby steps can be frustrating, it also protects us from other dangers, like overloading ourselves. If I had set out on the first day and said, “I’m going to run five miles, have nothing but salad, and sleep nine hours a day,” I would have failed miserably and probably given up thinking that I was incapable of living a healthy lifestyle. But choosing to take small steps to improve my health actually helped me avoid trying to push myself too hard, and it kept me from giving in to burnout.

I’ve been using the example of my health, but the baby step approach applies to many areas of life. Another big area where I apply the baby step approach is in my spiritual walk. I believe in something called progressive sanctification. This is the belief that once a person becomes a Christian, he or she begins a process of gradually becoming more and more like God (and thus more and more like the person God is calling him or her to be) as his or her spiritual walk goes on. I believe that as I walk with God each day, he draws me closer to him and illuminates areas of my life where I need to improve. And if I’m open to his grace, he will come into that area of my life and make me more like him. This is progressive sanctification, or, if you prefer, spiritual baby steps.

I hope you haven’t read this post as me trying to brag about my health. I’m still far from where I want to be in that area, and I’m trying to take the steps to get closer to my goal. I was just contemplating my health journey this week and thought that it might helpful to you. I hope we are each being intentional and trying to take baby steps toward some kind of goal each day, whether it be improving your health, growing closer to God, or getting a promotion at your job. The thing to remember is that each baby step is getting you gradually closer to where you want to be, and that’s worth investing in and celebrating. So tomorrow, I’m going to try to eat some hearty, vegetarian soup instead of my regular meat at dinner, and I hope you’ll try to take some sort of baby step in your life, too. God bless, friends, and I’ll see you next week!

Change Can Be Good (Or Bad)

If you’ve lived on this planet for very long, you’ve probably noticed that things never stay the same. Everything changes. Our bodies change. Our families change. Our communities change. Even the earth is changing at this very moment, though at a slow rate. One of the fundamental truths of life is that everything—and I mean everything—changes.

Everyone has an opinion on change. Some people really like change. They jump at it every chance they get. They like change just because it keeps things interesting and new. Other people hate change. They don’t care if the change is good or bad. They want things to stay the same no matter what. Of course, both of these are extreme reactions to change. The truth is that change can be good or bad, depending on what kind of change it is and the motive behind it. While contemplating change and its value, I’ve compiled a list of what I would consider good and bad kinds of change.

Changing for the Sake of the Change

Some people are thrill-seekers. They are attracted to new things simply because they’re different and they offer a rush. This may be acceptable when it comes to small things like the way you wear your hair or your computer background, but if you look for change simply for the sake of change on major things, you can get yourself into trouble. Not being able to stick with a job for long or maintain a healthy dating relationship for an extended period may be signs of seeking change for the sake of the change, and this kind of change is bad. The truth is that some of the less interesting things in life may be the greatest if you’re willing to invest time in them. You may just have to accept sameness for a bit first.

Changing to Fit Someone’s Expectations or Preferences

When it comes to dating, people always say, “You shouldn’t change for anyone.” I partially agree with this statement. If you’re changing things about yourself just to fit someone else’s preferences or what they expect of you, this is a bad kind of change. It is true that everyone changes, but in that process of changing, you have to stay true to yourself. Changing just to please someone else is unhealthy, and it could end in a serious identity crisis, which would be disastrous. We must each learn to be ourselves as we grow and change.

Changing for the Worse

I know terms like “better” and “worse” are subjective, and it’s up for debate what changes may be for the better and what changes may be for the worse, but I’d say there are some changes that are universally for the worse and that should be avoided. If you find yourself going against your own moral standards or acting in ways that are offensive and hurtful to others, these are probably changes for the worse. Most of these are temporary and due to out-of-the-ordinary circumstances, but one-time things can quickly become habits if we don’t stay on top of them.

Progress

This is the argument that I use when talking with people who hate change just because it’s different. I tell them that change isn’t always good, but it can be good if it’s progress. Changes in technology and medicine that improve people’s lives are good changes. If a church decides the update the look of the sanctuary or incorporate some more modern worship songs in order to be more relevant, that’s progress. Change for no reason is bad, but it’s just as bad to resist change just because you don’t like change. If a change is a step in the right direction, then it’s a good change, even if it’s uncomfortable.

Self-Improvement

This is the flip-side of that “You should never change for anyone” argument. I think that sometimes changing for someone is good, if it’s done the right way and for the right reasons. I believe that God puts people in our lives who inspire and encourage us to be better, and I think that’s great. You can still be yourself while working to improve yourself. That’s really what the Christian life is all about: slowly but surely becoming more and more like Christ. We all have areas that we need to improve (or rather, change) in, and these self-improvements are the very best kind of change.

I don’t really have an overarching point in this blog post other than this: Embrace the good kinds of change and resist the bad ones. Change is both good and bad, depending on the circumstances and what kind of change it is. Don’t resist change just because it makes you uncomfortable, and don’t embrace change just because you’re looking for something different. Let’s take a reflective, middle-road approach to change so that we can improve and progress while keeping the things that don’t need to change. Thanks for reading, friends, and I hope you have a great week!

Rude

Hey, friends! So I’m trying something new. Every once in a while, I’ll be doing a post about faith and pop culture. In these posts, I’ll analyze something in pop culture (such as a song or movie) that’s become really popular lately, and I’m going to see what insights we can gain from it about our world and about living the Christian life. Sound interesting? Good. Let’s get started.

For my first post in this series, I’m going to be looking at the song “Rude” by Magic. You can listen to it here. Mostly, I chose this song because I cannot get it out of my head no matter how hard I try. Regardless of its message, this song is ridiculous catchy just from the melody, which I think is part of the reason it’s so popular. But I think there’s more to Rude than just a memorable tune that has made it such a hit.

Rude is a song about a young man who is in love with a girl. He decides he wants to marry her, so he shows up on her father’s doorstep and asks for his permission to propose to her. For whatever reason, the girl’s father doesn’t approve of the guy, so he says no and adds that he’ll never approve of his daughter marrying him. The young man then proceeds to ask the father, “Why you gotta be so rude? Don’t you know I’m human, too?” and then finishes by announcing, “I’m gonna marry her anyway, no matter what you say, and we’ll be family. Why you gotta be so rude?”

This song has a lot going for it as far as connecting with our culture goes. It’s got a love story. It’s got an underdog hero who has to face a mean (or rude, rather) tyrannical foe. It includes a scandalous secret marriage. And it features something that connects with an unfortunately high number of teenagers and young adults: disrespect for parents. I know I sound old-school saying that, but I think it’s true. There is something about our culture that encourages young people to show disrespect to those in authority over them, especially people that are older. I think this says a lot about our society.

At first glance, one may think that this song has nothing to offer Christians, who emphasize respecting authority and take marriage very seriously. Many Christians may reject this song as immoral and choose to ignore it completely. But I think that if we take a deeper look at Rude, it does have some things to teach us.

Human Rebellion

First of all, I think that if we’re really honest with ourselves, we can each see a little bit of ourselves in the song’s protagonist. He sees himself as the hero standing up against a great, evil foe. When he hits a wall, his first inclination is to push against it, without even considering that maybe the girl’s father is looking out for everyone’s best interests. Isn’t that so much like us? When God tells us no, don’t we all have a tendency to fight against that? We see ourselves as the great heroes in our life stories, and sometimes we go against what God has for us. It’s human nature, and I think we see a little bit of that in this song.

If we see ourselves as the guy in the song, then the story has a little bit of a different spin to it. It’s no longer about a disgraceful young man being disrespectful (or rude) to his girlfriend’s dad. It’s about us and our own sinful tendencies. Sometimes we look God in the face and say, “Why you gotta be so rude, God?” But just as we understand that the guy in the story is out of line, so we must understand that we are out of line, too, when we treat God in this way. So this song teaches us that we can all be like the guy in this story if we aren’t careful, and we all need to fight our tendency to rebel when God tells us no.

A Loving Father

Obviously, the song is meant to cast the girl’s father in a negative light. He’s supposed to be the bad guy, the rude one that the title refers to. But as Christians, we can look at the song in a different way. In truth, the father in the song is probably right for turning the boy away. As far as he knows, the boy has nothing to offer his daughter. He is ultimately protecting his daughter from someone who may cause her harm down the road. That’s how our heavenly Father is with us.

Among the many things that God does for us, he is our protector. He knows better than we do what is good for us. And he fights for us. He defends us from the evils of this word. To us, that sometimes look like God is shutting a door in our face or trying to ruin our fun. It may look a little rude. But the truth is that God’s plan for us is the best life we could live, so we have to trust him as the loving Father that he is.

The Bride of Christ

There’s one character in the story who doesn’t get a chance to speak, and that’s the daughter. We can connect with her, too. The Bible describes the church as the bride of Christ. Collectively, we are his true love, and we have committed ourselves to be faithful to him and him alone. And yet, like the girl in the story, we are often faced with opportunities to “run off” with other things. It’s true that we don’t serve other deities like the Israelites often did when they were accused of cheating on God. But we do let other things take his place sometimes. We’ve promised to make him our number one, but we sometimes elevate other things above him, making those things our “gods.”

So in a way, we are like the girl in the song. Like her, we have a loving Father who tries to protect us. But ultimately, it comes down to us. In the song, the unnamed girl has a choice: Is she going to say yes to the marriage proposal and forsake her responsibilities, or is she going to honor her father and turn the boy away? We are faced with the same question in our lives. Will we be faithful to Christ, or will we pursue other things and let them take his place?

I’m not going to lie. I bought Rude on iTunes, and I listen to it often. I know it has some issues. But it’s also catchy, and it’s something that has connected with our culture. So I’ve tried to find ways of looking at it that are positive and relevant to the Christian life, and I’ve tried to present those ways of looking at the song with you. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the song! Give it a listen, and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading, friends, and I’ll see you next week!