For years, I’ve lived in a vicious cycle when it comes to video games. It goes something like this:

I hear about a game that interests me.
I read up on it to see if I’ll actually like it, then decide I will.
I buy the game.
I get very excited to play the game while I wait for it to arrive/release.
The games arrives.
I load up the game and expectantly hit the Start button.
I play the game for a few hours and declare that I love it.
I turn the game off and go to bed.
I forget about the game.
I never play the game again.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even trust myself to buy new games anymore. I can’t stick with them, even ones that I really like. Even ones that I love, like the re-release of Super Mario 64 that came out last year. I was so excited to play back through that game and relive my childhood. But you know what? I got halfway through and forgot about it. What a waste!

I’m not sure why this is the case. Maybe it’s a part of growing up and finding new interests, or it’s that I’m too busy in general, or it’s that gaming doesn’t have the same social aspect for me that it used to. Regardless, it is very, very rare for a game to stick with me anymore, and it’s not from a lack of trying.

That’s why I was intrigued by the introduction of Apple Arcade. For $5/month, I could have access to a wide variety of games on my phone, tablet, and TV. The cost was low enough that I could justify it if I got any amount of entertainment from the service, and I wouldn’t have to feel bad if I moved from game to game. It seemed ideal for someone like me.

What I didn’t expect was to find my new favorite video game, but that’s what happened.

Not long into my Arcade subscription, after trying a few games and bouncing off of them almost immediately, I came across this quirky-looking flight simulator and thought, “That might be worth a try.” So I downloaded Lifeslide by Dreamteck and started it up.

I was immediately captured. In the game, you control a paper airplane as it flies through a series of gorgeous levels representing the various stages of a person’s life. You start at birth and work your way through an entire lifespan, collecting power-ups and new planes as you go. Each stage has different environments and challenges that reflect where you are in the lifecycle.

One of the many gorgeous levels in Lifeslide.

The game is elegant in its simplicity. To control your plane, all you have to do is tilt your device. Of course, you can use a controller if you prefer to play that way, or if you’re on the big screen. But the tilt controls are my favorite because they’re very intuitive. They make you feel connected to this place as you try to keep it airborne through all the ups and down of life.

I don’t know how long it took me to play through Lifeslide the first time, but it wasn’t long. The game isn’t particularly drawn out or difficult, attributes that work in its favor in my view. I enjoyed the game so much that as soon as I beat it, I decided to start over. I ended up playing it through multiple times over many hours.

Eventually, the developers added a zen mode that I played even more than the main story. In that mode, you don’t even have to worry about the challenges or keeping your plane afloat. You just steer and enjoy the scenery. I logged so many hours playing zen mode on Lifeslide—more than on any video game in the past few years for sure.

Something about it just clicks with my brain in a way no other game has. It’s effect is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It doesn’t induce a particularly strong reaction, negative or positive. I don’t get excited or frustrated when playing through. I just feel present. Engaged. Maybe even peaceful. And when I finish a gaming session, I don’t feel like I’ve spent any energy. In fact, I feel more calm and centered than I did when I started. It leaves me feeling relaxed, and that’s nothing something I can say about any other game I’ve played.

I’m not a particularly adept multitasker. When I’m playing a game, I usually have to focus very intently. (That’s partially because of my one-track mind and particularly because I’m bad at video games.) But when I’m playing Lifeslide, I don’t feel that way. I can carry on a conversation or listen to a podcast while simultaneously flying my little plane. I’ve never had an experience like that, and it’s really nice.

Most people think that the purpose of a video game is to have fun or be entertained, but that’s not what Lifeslide does for me. It does something more than that. It appeals to a part of my brain that isn’t usually engaged, and I honestly think it’s good for my mental health.

Which is why I was so sad to see Lifeslide on a list of games leaving Apple Arcade recently. It must not be accomplishing what Apple are going for with their service, and so they’ve decided not to renew their contract with the developers. In fact, it’s already been delisted from the App Store. My favorite game will soon be gone.

That’s the flip side of these subscription services, I suppose. We get access to all of these great things, but they aren’t ever really ours. That’s usually a tradeoff I’m willing to make, but in this case, I really wish there was a way I could own Lifeslide.

It’s available on a couple of other platforms that I don’t have access to, and the developers are apparently working on a version for the Nintendo Switch, which I would buy in a heartbeat. But what I really hope is that Lifeslide makes its way back into the App Store as an independent purchase. I would love to be able to support the developers directly, and I would be overjoyed to have Lifeslide live permanently on my devices.

For now, I’ll enjoy the last bit of access I have to the game on Apple Arcade. I know that one day soon, I’ll open it up and receive a message that it’s no longer accessible. I’ve accepted that fact. But it still makes me sad, and I hate to see it go.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever connect with another game the way I have with Lifeslide. The enjoyment I’ve gotten out of it is so unique. I guess it’s time to pick up the search again. But I’ll always cherish the time I spent playing Lifeslide, and if I ever somehow get the opportunity, I’ll definitely be diving back in.

Who knew a digital paper airplane flying through artistic landscapes would mean so much to a serial game abandoner? Not me, but I’m grateful for it.

So here’s to Lifeslide, a game that gave me many hours of enjoyment and always left with a sense of calm when I needed it. Wherever it lands after flying away from Apple Arcade, I hope we cross paths again. Either way, it’s been quite a ride.