One Thing at a Time
As Katherine and I prepare for the arrival of our first child in August, I’m reminded of another time we went through a major life change together: planning our wedding. Well, really we were planning the wedding and building a house at the same time. People said that wasn’t a good idea, but it worked out.
That process was long, and it came in fits and starts. Sometimes, we felt like we were making major progress by the day. Invitations: check. Photographer: check. Check, check, check.
Other times, it seemed that we weren’t getting anywhere. Either things were taking longer than we wanted them to, or we just didn’t put in the time to make plans like we thought we should. Our process sometimes felt like it was stuck.
What I came to realize throughout that time was that we could only really focus on a single task at once. When we tried to multitask, we never got very far and usually ended up procrastinating. So getting it all done became a step-by-step process.
When a step went smoothly, this approach worked great. Again, it felt like things were getting checked off the list left and right. But if we hit a roadblock with whatever we were focused on, progress would come to a halt. We’d get that stuck feeling again.
Standing in what would eventually become our living room.
There was a point during the summer of 2018 when we were trying to get construction started on the house, but the building company wasn’t allowed to begin until they got an approval from the state. The land was prepped; the workers were ready; the blueprints were in hand. A single document from the government would unlock a whole flurry of exciting activity that would move us in the direction of having a finished home.
We waited and waited for the approval to come in. One week passed. Two weeks. Three weeks. Every day, we hoped for the call that the company had started on construction so we could go see some sort of progression in our plans, but it didn’t come. We worried that it never would.
In the meantime, we did zero wedding planning. Our focus was completely directed towards getting the house started. We had a list of wedding stuff that needed to get done, and we had every intention of doing it. But the one thing we were working on wasn’t complete, so we couldn’t move on.
Finally, after a month of waiting, the approval came in. Our construction crew was able to start their work, and the house began to take shape. And as soon as it did, a funny thing happened: We were able to get back to wedding planning! We felt unstuck, and things started getting checked off the list again.
I’ll never forget that stuck feeling, though. It was unsettling. Borderline miserable, even. No matter how hard we tried, we could not move past the thing in front of us. There was no way around it. We had to go through, no matter how long it took.
All the wedding planning was worth it.
We had to take things one step at a time. And we did eventually get it all done, one thing at a time. Our wedding was a beautiful day, and a couple of weeks later, we were able to move into our little blue house that we love so much. It all worked out great.
But if you had asked me during that month of waiting how things would turn out, my outlook wouldn’t have been so positive. I hated not being able to make progress. It made me feel anxious and powerless to change the situation. Sometimes, that’s just what life does to us.
Looking back, I’m thankful for the experience, not in and of itself, but because it prepared me to face these challenges during life changes in the future. Getting ready to have a baby is more daunting than anything I’ve ever done in my life. It’s a process that has its own bouts of progress interrupted by quiet lulls. I try not to let them bother me anymore, though. I know it’s all a part of it.
We’re taking it one step at a time: Nursery furniture. Family car. A stuck period when all we could focus on was our impending vacation. And then, suddenly, a huge rush of motivation that resulted in our baby registry finally coming together.
Every step is different and new because we’ve never done this before. But we’re loving all of it. And we’re getting there, one thing at a time.