Bad News

Our family received an unfortunate update this week. Katherine’s stepmom, who just finished radiation treatment for cancer that was removed from her wrist early this year, found a new knot on her arm that turned out to be a tumor. After consulting with her doctor, it’s been decided that she’ll have to undergo another surgery followed by extended immunotherapy treatment. All this while she’s meant to be on the mend from her first surgery and round of radiation. To say that we’re disappointed would be an understatement.

We were hoping and praying that this battle would be over, that we’d all move on from it, and that it would soon become nothing more than memory. But now, we know that the battle rages on, and that’s not an easy thing to accept.

Simply put, it’s bad news. It’s not something any of us wanted to hear. But it’s the reality we have to face, and even though we’re not happy about it, we’re trying to deal with it in a healthy way.

These are a few truths I’m trying to keep in mind in the face of bad news. To be honest, I’m writing this post mainly for my own sake, but I hope that you’ll get something useful out of it, too.

Bad news does not change who God is.

It’s easy when things go wrong to immediately blame God or at least wonder why he would allow something like this to happen. Trying times can test one’s faith, sometimes even bringing it to a breaking point. But I’ve always taken comfort in knowing that even when my circumstances change, God never does.

He’s still who he’s always been, even when it’s hard for me to see.

The same loving, graceful, live-giving God who blessed me with good news all those times before is still with me now. He hasn’t turned his back on me or changed his mind about me. He loves me and wants the best for me, now and always. He’s still the same.

And because he’s still the same, he can still be relied upon. He is faithful. I can trust that he’s never going to abandon me and that no matter what I’m facing, I can always overcome it with him by my side.

I’ve addressed the question before of where God is in the midst of suffering, but it’s worth revisiting now. When we get bad news, often it feels like God has left us, maybe even that he’s acting against us in some way. But the truth is that when we’re suffering, God is right there with us.

He feels our pain. It breaks his heart, too. He takes no joy in the suffering of his beloved children. And when we’re in the midst of suffering from the brokenness of this world, he suffers right along with us. Because he loves us, and his love for us never changes.

Anything can have meaning.

I’ve never bought into the idea that everything happens for a reason. I don’t believe that God intends for us to suffer the way we do, and I don’t think he brings it about for some greater purpose. Suffering of this kind is the result of the world’s fallen state and not part of a divine plan. There isn’t some mysterious lesson behind all of the bad things that we go through.

But that doesn’t mean that those things can’t have meaning. I believe that they can. I just think that we have to make the meaning rather than waiting for it to find us.

Bad news is awful, and the suffering that accompanies it is worse. But nothing is beyond redemption, at least not in my book. I’m not saying that it makes things any better. I’m not even necessarily saying that the good will outweigh the bad. But even in the worst of circumstances, we can find a way to make our suffering mean something.

Maybe it helps us be more compassionate towards others in their own suffering. Maybe it brings us closer to those we love. Maybe it enriches our faith through our utter reliance on God. Whatever it is, there can be meaning in the chaos, but only if we create it. So when I find myself facing bad news, I try not to become so blinded by it that I can’t see opportunities for meaning-making in the midst of it.

Your community is your rock.

Sunday morning, our church took time out of the worship service to come together and pray for Katherine’s stepmom. We gathered around her and prayed individually that God would heal her and see her through the difficult road ahead. It was a powerful, emotional moment, and I am so thankful for it.

Everyone there felt the love and support the church was extending to our family. It was touching, it was encouraging, and it was just what we needed. In the midst of hard times, having a support network of people who truly care is such an important thing.

Each and every one of us is loved more deeply and more profoundly than we could ever know by those around us. When hard times come, it’s an opportunity to look around and realize just how many people are invested in us. We can’t lose sight of that, because some days, it may be the thing that gets us through.

Someone out there is rooting for you. You are not alone. People care about what you’re going through. It’s true, even when we don’t feel it, and we don’t have to be afraid to rely on that.

Outlook is everything.

I’ve been consistently impressed by the attitude Katherine’s stepmom has maintained throughout this entire ordeal. She’s stayed positive, pleasant, and hopeful despite everything she’s going through. It’s inspiring to me, and it convicts me to practice the same optimism in my own life.

The right attitude can turn an impossible situation into one that can be managed. It can take the most miserable of days and make it bearable. It can turn defeat into hope and maybe even help that hope one day become victory.

We can’t control the things that life throws at us, but we can control how we react to them. I’m not saying there isn’t a place for anger, for sadness, and for mourning when bad news comes. But ultimately, when life gets hard, we have to face it with a positive attitude, or we risk becoming overwhelmed by the sheer weight of it all.

In psychology, we study a phenomenon known as the self-fulfilling prophecy. Basically, if a person believes that a situation is going to turn out a certain way, they will subconsciously do what it takes to make their prediction a reality. This can be either positive or negative, and it applies in every scenario imaginable.

If you believe that you will fail at something, you probably will. Not because you can’t succeed, but because you’ll sabotage yourself through your own expectations. Alternatively, if you go into a situation—even a hard one—believing that you will overcome it, your chances of actually doing so increase substantially.

The right attitude can mean the difference between getting through a tough time and becoming swallowed up by. I don’t know about you, but I’m choosing to take my chances with positivity.

These are the simple truths I’m trying to remind myself of right now. I’ve found that internalizing them and living them out in my daily life has really helped me get through difficult times in the past, and I trust that they’ll help me get through this phase, too.

I hope that you’ve found them helpful as well! Whether you’re dealing with some bad news now or even if things are going smoothly for you, these are truths that I think we can all benefit from. If any of them stuck out to you or made you think, I’d love to hear from you. You can reach out in the comments, my contact page, or on social media.

One last thing: If you’re the praying type, please say a prayer for Katherine’s stepmom and our family. It’s going to be a long road ahead, but we know that God and our community will see us through. We’re thankful for each and every person who’s reached out, checked in, and offered their support. It means the world.

Thanks for reading, friends! I’ll see you next week.

Puerto Rico

Hey, friends! I’ve just returned from a mission trip with my church to the beautiful island of Puerto Rico. It was a wonderful trip, and I thought that instead of doing a full-on blog post this week, I might just tell you a bit about the trip.

After Hurricane Maria ravaged the island two years ago, a member of our church found out that our denomination had a church that was affected by the storm. He reached out to see how they were doing, and that’s how we met Pastor José and the Iglesias Bautista Libre in Buenas Aguas, Puerto Rico.

Their story was tragic. José had grown up in Puerto Rico but was attending theological school on the mainland when he volunteered to go back to the island as a missionary for the denomination. He started the church in Aguas Bueans and over the next few years grew it into a thriving, self-sustaining community. Life was good; then Maria hit.

When the storm was over, José’s home had been destroyed, and the church building was in ruin. Most of his congregation had lost everything, and they left the island to start over stateside. The church basically had to start over, this time without the financial support of our denomination’s missions program.

Over the past couple of years, José has rebuilt the church community from the bottom up. They’ve been meeting in members’ homes and in a tent that they erected on the church grounds. But they haven’t been able to meet in their sanctuary because it didn’t have a roof. So they’ve been making due with what they have.

Last month, a church from South Carolina came and put a new roof on the building, allowing the church to finally resume worship indoors. Though their sanctuary was bare and without a bathroom, they were happy to have a permanent home for their church again.

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That’s where we came in. A group of 38 people from our church flew down to the island and spent the last week working on the building and reaching out to the community alongside the church. We brought a group that ranged from teenagers to senior citizens, construction professionals to people who have no idea how to use a hammer (👋🏼), and everything in between. We spent the week getting to know the church members, hearing their stories, and joining together in helping them continue to get back on their feet.

The construction crew worked all week, transforming their bare sanctuary into a beautiful worship space. They built a stage, a sound booth, a bathroom, and even an office for Pastor José. Thanks to their efforts, the church now has an inviting space to worship and bring visitors, and they couldn’t be more proud of it.

While they were plugging away, the outreach group was canvassing the community promoting a huge carnival we put on Thursday night. We offered inflatables, games, prizes, and free food for everyone who showed up. When the big night came, we weren’t sure what to expect, but the response was overwhelming. Families came out in droves, there were kids everywhere, and the community was so excited to have something like this to bring them all together.

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We engaged in some other outreach, too. A small team went out and painted the house of a church member who had been affected by the storm. Our children’s pastor brought a dozen ukuleles, and a group gave lessons to local children every day. Now, the church has their very own ukulele band! And on Tuesday night, we went into an impoverished neighborhood in Caguas and cooked a meal for the people there, singing praise songs as we handed out each plate.

My favorite part of the week, though, was probably Wednesday night, when our group got together with the church for a worship service. Pastor José shared his heart for his church, the ukulele band performed the songs they’d learned, and our pastor preached a message (translated into Spanish, of course) about having passion for God and for his work. It was a truly holy time as God’s people from both Arkansas and Puerto Rico came together in worship, and I’m so thankful I got to be a part of it.

Once all the work was done, we got to have a little fun, too. We went to a gigantic zip line park on Friday, and everyone had a great time. After a little bit of shopping and sightseeing, we were headed home. Everyone made it back safely in time to get a few hours of sleep before church on Sunday morning, and we all came back with hearts full of joy and love for our brothers and sisters in Puerto Rico.

I am so happy that my church decided to step out, try something new, and reach out to our friends in need. There were so many barriers that could have come between us, like distance and language, but when we chose to come together, none of that mattered. We were just brothers and sisters coming together to do God’s work, and I believe that he blessed it.

The church in Puerto Rico had some new faces this past Sunday morning, people from the community who had heard about them through the carnival. And those of us who had gone came back to our own church with a deeper understanding of the reach of God’s love all over the world. Our little trip to Puerto Rico was an incredible experience for everyone involved. I’m so thankful I got to go, and I can’t wait until I get a chance to see the island again.

Dios es bueno. God is good. God bless Puerto Rico. Thanks for reading, friends.

Winter

Our little family has a new addition! A couple of weeks ago, Katherine and I adopted a beautiful dog named Winter. She’s a two-year-old Great Pyrenees mix, and she’s awesome. We couldn’t be more excited to bring her into our home.

A pet has always been part of our plan. Katherine’s more of a dog person, and I have no preference on the dogs-versus-cats debate, so we decided long ago that once we got married, settled into our house, and built a fence in our back yard, we’d start thinking about adopting a dog.

Once the fence went up, thinking quickly became looking. Our search for the perfect pet was on. Katherine kept up with every dog listed on Facebook, and we spent our lunch breaks visiting animals at the local humane society and animal control kennel. Each time, we’d leave thinking, “That one was great, but not the one for us.”

Then we met Winter. Katherine spotted her on a Facebook group for residents of our town, and I immediately recognized the owner as someone I’d gone to high school with. So I reached out and asked if we could get together that weekend. The next morning, we nervously drove to the park to meet this potential pet.

From the moment we met her, Winter was our dog. She was friendly and sweet, but not overly excited or in our faces. She calmly went for a walk with Katherine while I chatted with the owner about her history and health. And when I leaned down to pet her, she sat calmly at my feet. It was a great first meeting.

I was comfortable with Winter from the start, and that’s not something I can say about many animals. I’ve only ever formed a bond with one dog before—my childhood pet Wrinkles, who passed away years ago—and I usually find them to be overwhelming. But with Winter, it was different; we just clicked. And even when she leaned up and licked my face, I didn’t want to throw up. That’s when I knew I wanted to adopt her.

Katherine was surprised when I looked up and said, “Do you want to take her home?” Our plan was to meet Winter and then leave and have a discussion before making any decisions. But even though she was shocked, Katherine knew that it was the right call. So she stammered back, “You mean today?“ to which I responded, “Yes! Do you want to bring her home with us right now?” She agreed, and Winter became part of our family right then and there.

Her transition into our house was relatively smooth. There were a few minor bumps, as you’d expect, but nothing huge. She really has made this place her home, which I am thrilled about. She’s comfortable here, she knows she’s safe, and she seems to be really happy. The fact that we can provide that for her brings a sense of fulfillment I definitely wasn’t expecting.

To be honest, I was very nervous about adopting a dog. This whole process has brought out insecurities in me that I didn’t know I had. I was scared to adopt a pet because I was afraid I wouldn’t bond with them. I’ve never been a big animal person, and I didn’t want that to negatively affect them. I felt inadequate to care for, nurture, and (when necessary) discipline another living thing. I was afraid of failing, and it became very apparent throughout our pet-finding process.

But through talks with Katherine, I came to terms with my fears. I realized I wasn’t doing this alone. She assured me that this was something we were going to take on together and that if I needed time to learn how to be a pet owner, that would be OK. Her encouragement helped me get to a healthy place mentally so that I was ready when we finally met Winter.

And of course, all of my fears were unfounded. Having a pet has been the most natural thing in the world for us, and I’m not sure how I couldn’t see that before. Katherine and I make a great team, working together to ensure that Winter is healthy, happy, and engaged. I love taking her out in the mornings when I get up, and when I see Katherine and Winter cuddled up together before bedtime, my heart feels fuller than it ever has before.

I’m learning a lot, too. Pet ownership really does teach you about unconditional love. I’ve never met anyone whose only goal in life is to be near me, but it seems that all Winter needs to be happy is our presence. Even when I’m not having the best day or when I’m feeling down on myself, she’s always there happy to see me, and that joy is contagious.

Everyone who’s come over to meet Winter has told us the same thing: She’s perfect for you. And that couldn’t be more true. Winter has the exact personality we were looking for in a dog: calm, but loving. She doesn’t have a single aggressive bone in her body. And her favorite pastime is lounging around the house, same as ours! She’s the perfect fit, and I’m so glad we found her.

All those people who warn that, “Having a pet is a lot of work,” aren’t lying, but what they forget to mention is that it’s totally, totally worth it. Between the walking and the feeding and cleaning and the grooming, there’s so much love. Having Winter in our home is so natural that I can’t imagine it being any other way.

I never thought I’d be the type of person to say this, but I love my dog! She’s made my life significantly better just by being in it. She’s already taught me so much and helped me face some things I didn’t even know were there. Having her around has brought me more joy and fulfillment than I ever thought a pet could, and for that I am so thankful.

Thanks for letting me gush about Winter for a whole blog post. If you ever get to meet her, you’ll understand why. She’s awesome, and even the pictures don’t do justice to just how cute she is.

I’d love to hear stories of how your pets have impacted you if you’re willing to share them. I’m still new to this whole pet ownership thing, but I think I’m getting the hang of it, and I’d be happy to talk more about it if you would. Just let me know in the comments or on social. Until next week, friends, stay safe, and give your loved ones–human and pet alike—lots of love!

An Ode to iTunes

One of the biggest rumors going around the tech blogosphere lately is that Apple will finally, after years of neglect, put iTunes out of its misery. And yesterday, the company officially confirmed this to be true. Some are mourning the loss of what was once a great piece of software, while others are rejoicing at its death like the munchkins in The Wizard of Oz. To be honest, it’s a long time coming. But that doesn’t make me any less sad about it.

You’d be forgiven if you had to ask, “What the heck is iTunes, and why are all the nerds riled up about it?” It hasn’t been a part of popular culture for a while. But back in its heyday, iTunes was the place to purchase music online.

When you plugged in your iPod (remember those?) to your computer, iTunes would instantly appear, dutifully ready to help you sync your songs, art, and playlists with ease. Or if you wanted to hear the latest banger, you could head over to the iTunes Store, purchase it for a buck, and start listening within seconds. The whole process was fast, easy, and convenient, and it made music accessible to everyone in a new way.

To say that iTunes changed the music industry would be an understatement. When music started going digital with the advent of MP3 players, people were getting music one of two ways: either they went to the store, bought an entire CD, and ripped it to their computer… or they stole it from any number of pirating websites.

CDs were expensive and annoying. Why pay so much money and go through the trouble of ripping a disc just for a couple of songs you like? Not to mention having to manually enter song names and track down album art to keep everything organized and pretty. Buying physical music was simply more trouble than it was worth.

So a significant number of people were turning to piracy, not because they didn’t want to support artists, but because the physical music system wasn’t compatible with new digital methods of listening. Consumers weren’t happy with the options available, and music makers weren’t happy that their stuff was being passed around illegally. Seeing this dilemma, Apple decided to capitalize on it. And thus, iTunes was born.

Having the ability to buy individual songs—rather than entire albums—and easily string those songs into playlists that could be taken anywhere was revolutionary. In the world of streaming, we‘ve become accustomed to having our music available to us anytime, anywhere. But back in the early days of iTunes, this concept was groundbreaking, and it changed everything.

The music industry was never the same again. The structure of songs and albums shifted drastically. The distance between artists and their fans nearly vanished, making space for a much deeper connection than ever possible before. And thanks to the iPod and iTunes, Apple became a household name at a time when average consumers had no idea what a Mac even was.

That’s an incredible story, and it’s one that gets told a lot in the tech world. But if that was all there was to it, no one would really care that iTunes is going away in 2019. Music streaming has taken over, and people use their phones as their primary computers now. It’s time move on, right?

The problem with that—and the reason so many techies like myself have such strong feelings about this development—is that iTunes has had a profound impact on so many people’s lives. It wasn’t just about selling songs and iPods. To me at least, iTunes was so much more than that.

Everyone who lives in the Apple ecosystem remembers their first Apple product. The thing that drew them in, showed them what the company could offer, and led them to integrate those products more and more into their lives. The thing that showed them that spark of magic and wonder Apple integrates into everything they do. It’s something you never forget.

For me, that first Apple product wasn’t a computer. It wasn’t a phone or even an iPod. My very first Apple product, the thing that got me interested in this company that‘s such a big part of my life now, was none other than iTunes.

I was a kid with no relationship whatsoever with music. The only songs I knew were from church and the country radio station my mom played in her van. I had no taste and, honestly, no interest in music. But then I somehow got my hands on an iTunes gift card (one of the most popular gifts to give to kids at that time), and all of that changed.

Suddenly, I could look up any song I wanted, and if I liked it, it could instantly be mine. I was amazed! I started looking up the few songs I knew from MySpace and clicking the related links underneath to find more like them. I fell in love with music. Over time, I carefully curated a library of my favorite music, and I listened to it all the time, right there at the desk in my family’s kitchen.

Music became my identity as a teenager. I prided myself on keeping up with unknown artists and telling other people about them. I burned countless CDs and gave them to my friends as gifts. (I actually burned so many CDs that iTunes issued me a piracy warning.) When life got hard or confusing or even just exciting, I always had a playlist handy to help me work through whatever I was feeling. It’s no exaggeration to say that my music library was my most prized possession at the time.

More Apple products followed. One year, I got an iPod Shuffle for Christmas. The next year, it was the first-generation iPod Touch. Then came the iPhone 3G. For my high school graduation, I asked my parents for a MacBook Pro. After that came a string of so many iPads. Now, I’m known as an Apple fanboy by my friends and family. And it all started with a little program called iTunes.

My relationship with music changed as I got older, as these things do. I found other passions. Every once in a while, something will come along that re-sparks my interest in music. A few years ago, it was Apple Music. More recently, I invested in a couple of HomePods and started listening more. But no matter where my relationship with music goes now, it will always be tied in my mind to those hours I spent as a bright-eyed kid browsing iTunes and forging my music identity.

Like many, though, I have had my heart broken by changes made to iTunes. I’ve watched the app morph over the years into something nearly unrecognizable. The iTunes Store eventually added movies, TV shows, and podcasts all within the same program. When the iPhone came out, it became the place to sync over not only your music, but also your apps, photos, contacts, documents, and everything else you might want on your phone. Apple decided a few years ago to get into the streaming music game, so it tacked Apple Music onto iTunes in a way so crude that it’s nearly unusable.

No, iTunes is not what it once was. It’s become cluttered to a point that many who used to be its biggest fans now hate what it has become. There have been cries within the tech community for iTunes to be broken up ever since Apple took a more segmented approach on iOS, releasing separate apps for music, podcasts, movies/TV shows, and app downloads. The iTunes behemoth just doesn’t make sense anymore. The tech world mostly agrees that it has to go so that it can be replaced by a series of smaller, more focused apps, which is exactly what Apple is planning to do.

But it will be missed. Despite its flaws, iTunes was incredible when it came to discovering, curating, and listening to music. Back before streaming took over, music libraries mattered, and no other app held a candle to iTunes when it came to managing huge collections. And for that, iTunes deserves to be remembered fondly.

I admit that I was sad yesterday when I heard the news that Apple will be officially sunsetting iTunes in this year’s big Mac update. I’m sure that the new Music app will be great and serve us very well for years to come, but I’ll always have a special place in my heart for the original.

iTunes changed the music industry, and in that way, it changed the world. But more than that, it had a huge impact on me during a vulnerable, formative time of my life. For that, I’ll be forever grateful.

So here’s to you, iTunes. You served us well. Now may you rest in peace with the CDs you replaced all those years ago.

Privilege

I have lived a relatively comfortable life. Growing up, my parents provided a great deal of stability for me. I never had to wonder where my next meal was going to come from. I didn’t have to work because I wasn’t responsible for much other than my schoolwork and staying out of trouble. When I graduated high school, I went to college without paying a dime out of my own pocket, and then I did the same with graduate school. My education and work opportunities prepared me to transition smoothly into the work force where I am currently earning a decent living that allows me to own a home and build equity in it while also investing money for retirement.

In short, I am privileged. And I think it’s time to be completely honest about it.

This is a topic that I’ve been pondering for a very long time. It might have been more appropriate to call this article “Privilege (Part One)” because I’m positive that this isn’t the last I’ll have to say on it. The truth is that I feel completely inadequate to speak into an issue so important and nuanced, but the more I reflect on this subject, the more I feel compelled to speak out on it.

As I’ve said before, it is so incredibly easy for each of us to assume that our lives are the norm, that everyone else experiences the world the same way that we do. I once thought that myself. But that simply isn’t true, and the first step to understanding the concept of privilege is recognizing the ways that one’s experience differs from those of others.

The older I get, the more I realize how fortunate I am to have grown up in the circumstances I did. Because at every turn, I was experiencing privilege. I was given the circumstances, resources, and opportunities to grow, thrive, and become all that I could be. Meanwhile, many around me were not being afforded those same privileges, and I couldn’t even see it.

Below is a list of just some of the privileges I’ve enjoyed in my young life:

• My family didn’t move a lot growing up, which means my education and social life were mostly uninterrupted throughout my childhood.

• I always had access to plentiful, healthy food, which allowed my physical and mental development to proceed to the fullest extent. It also meant that I could focus in school and earn good grades.

• My neighborhood growing up was safe, which meant that I could play outside and maintain an active lifestyle.

• I didn’t have to work in high school, so I had plenty of time to study, complete homework, and develop meaningful, lifelong friendships.

• My parents encouraged me in my studies, even helping me when I struggled. My whole life, they told me that I could achieve anything I set my mind to, including getting into college. And I believed them.

• I have a knack for learning and test-taking. This is in no way an indication of merit or hard work on my part. I’m just good at it.

• My school offered extra-curricular activities, which allowed me to explore my talents and build life skills. They looked great on college applications, too.

• I had a plethora of adults in my life—teachers, church members, and family friends—who mentored me, encouraged me, and gave me opportunities to learn and grow.

• Money was rarely (though not never) an issue in my family. My parents taught me to treat money like a tool and showed me through their examples how to use it and relate to it well. Budgeting, saving, debt avoidance, and generosity were principles instilled in me from a young age. 

That may seem like an unnecessarily long list, but I assure you that I could go on. You may be reading this list and thinking, “What’s the big deal? I had all of that growing up, too. Everyone does.” If so, I’ll tell you this: You are, like me, extremely privileged. Be thankful.

Because though these may seem like basic things that every person should have access to, the truth is that many, many do not. And these privileges—which only certain people are given—set us up for success later in life.

Am I saying that people who don’t have these privileges can’t be successful? Of course not. Am I saying that anyone who grows up privileged is definitely going to get ahead? No, I’m not. What I am saying is that the privileges I’ve been afforded have made it much easier for me to succeed in life than someone who doesn’t have those same privileges.

It’s like if life were a race, I was given a head start, or better equipment to run with. And it’s not like I deserved it or even asked for it; I just got it. And my whole life, I’ve been relying on that extra boost to help get me where I want to go.

I can’t imagine being where I am without those privileges. Would I have gotten into college if I hadn’t been told my whole life that it was a possibility for me? Or if I had to work to support my family instead of focusing on school? What about if had a disability I was trying to overcome on top of everything else? Sure, there are people who do a lot more with a lot less, but I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to be one of them. For whatever reason, I never had to find out.

By the way, I haven’t even mentioned two other major aspects of privilege that I enjoy: I am a white man. Both my race and my biological sex afford me privileges that I would not otherwise have access to. Though we try to convince ourselves that we as a society no longer judge people by their race or sex, one simple flip through the newspaper or newsfeed proves differently. Our world is still set up to favor white men, and though I wish it weren’t that way, I do still benefit from it.

Coming from a sheltered upbringing, I never realized how unique my experience was until I became an adult and saw the world for myself. I met people of different socioeconomic backgrounds, from different races and ethnic groups, and even from different countries. And the more people I met who were different from myself, the more I understood the depth of privilege I have received.

I’ve met people who have no idea where their next meal is coming from. People who’ve been beaten down until they believe that they are nothing. People who face oppression and bigotry on a daily basis. And people who repeat the broken cycles of family mistakes because they don’t have any way of knowing life can be different for them.

And in meeting these people—many of whom I love dearly—I’ve come to see myself in a new light. There’s absolutely no difference at a fundamental level between myself and them. I’m no better than them, no more deserving than they are. There’s no reason that I should have received the privileges I did while they were forced to face life without them. The only difference between them and me is that by chance, I started off in a different place than they did.

I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t set up the systems that created it. It’s not my fault that things are this way. But I benefit from it every single day, sometimes in ways that actively harm others. Often in ways that go against my basic beliefs and principles. That is my privilege.

We’ve all heard it said that ignorance is bliss. And in the case of privilege, that is certainly true. Whereas before, I was able to live my life believing the world was fair and that everyone else had the same chance at success that I had, now I know the truth. Everything I have is in some way connected to the privileges that were afforded to me earlier in life. Even now, the same privileges are still working in my favor while others suffer without them. This is a hard truth to live with.

Unchecked and unconsidered, privilege is a blessing. But once you recognize it for what it is and look it straight in the face, privilege is ugly. It’s a beast that takes from those who don’t have enough and gives to those who already have more than they could ever need. It silences the oppressed and convinces those who benefit from it that they deserve it. That they’re somehow better than others. That their privilege is their right. And that simply is not true.

No privilege is a right unless it’s guaranteed to everyone. And the sad truth is that there are many people in our world who have little more than nothing. Don’t they deserve the same things everyone else does? Aren’t they just as human as everyone else? What right do we have to feel entitled to things that others can only wish for?

I’ve come to see my privilege as a burden, and I bear it every day. It’s nothing compared to the burdens borne by those who are struggling to survive, but it weighs on me nonetheless. It reminds me constantly of the suffering in the world and forces me to question the comfortable complacency that I so easily fall into. My privilege is a moral quandary that I am constantly turning over in my head and trying fruitlessly to solve.

What am I to do with this privilege? I can hardly give it up, at least not all of it, because I can’t change who I am or where I come from. Nor should I. I’m thankful for the privileges I’ve been given. The problem isn’t necessarily that I’ve been given too much. The problem is that others haven’t been given enough. So while I can’t undo the privilege I’ve been given, I can do my best to use it to lift others up.

I dream of a day when everyone is afforded the privileges I have. There’s more than enough to go around. It’s just going to take more people waking up to their privilege and choosing to use it for the sake of others. If I can take what I’ve been given and use it to make life better for my fellow human beings, then I consider that a worthwhile use of what I’ve been blessed with. I don’t want to waste it.

What does that look like? For me, it’s taken different forms. It’s meant being there for children in my life who don’t always have the positive adult influences they need. It’s meant being patient with people who need time to learn things I was fortunate enough to be taught long ago. It’s meant working with those in need on becoming independent. It’s meant loaning without expecting a payback and giving with as much generosity as I can afford. It’s meant giving people rides, giving people second chances, and simply hearing people out.

Checking my privilege has meant all of that and more, and I do it not because I’m particularly good or because I want to be praised. I do it because I’ve been given a lot, so I believe that I’m expected to give a lot to others.

Jesus taught as much. He said, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, even more will be expected” (Luke 12.48). For me, that expectation includes constantly checking my privilege and making sure that I’m using it to help those who don’t have it. It’s a process that will take me my entire life to master, but I’m trying, and I’m always open to listening to those who can teach me ways of doing it better.

How about you? Do you have privilege that you haven’t recognized yet? Now is the time to do so. No matter where we come from, most of us have been given some kind of privilege that others have not. Once we choose to see it, then we can start the process of learning how to use it to help others who haven’t been so fortunate. I believe that’s the only way we’ll see this world become a better place for everyone.

In my faith tradition, we say that God is in the business of redeeming the world. What that means is that God isn’t going to undo the brokenness of the world. Instead, he’s going to heal it, and he’s working through us to make it happen. I think that this is a part of it.

We can’t undo the injustices and disparities in the world today, but we can pick up the broken pieces and use our influence to turn them into something beautiful for everyone. When we do that, we’re taking part in God’s redeeming work. And I can’t think of any better use for the privileges I’ve been given.

I was given an unfair advantage in life. I’m not proud of it, but it’s true. It’s taken me a long time to recognize it, but now that I have, I’m trying to use that privilege to help others, because I believe I can use it to make the world at least a little bit better. And I believe that you can do the same. We each have the opportunity to use our privilege for the greater good if we only choose to. Will you?