Regret

The year was 2007, and I was 15 years old. Those were simpler times, back before I drove or had a job or really had any responsibilities at all. My life was basically carefree. I had just started high school, and I was about as nervous as a kid could be. But my best friend decided he wanted to join a club at school and asked if I’d like to join with him. I said yes, not so much because the club interested me but because I thought it would be a good way to get involved and make friends. And that it was.

Before the first meeting, my friend and I went to have breakfast with his sister and her friends, who were also a part of the club. Like I said before, I couldn’t drive at the time, so I rode with him to the diner. We had to park across the street because the restaraunt was busy and had very little parking. It was my first time to ride in the car with someone my age, it was my first time to meet these people, and it was basically my first real high school experience. The whole thing was new to me, and it was very exciting.

Now we’re at the moment of my biggest regret. If I could go back in time, re-live any one moment of my life, and do things differently, it would be this one. I remember it like it was yesterday. As I was getting out of the car, I saw a girl waiting outside the restaurant for us. I had never seen her before, and the moment I laid eyes on her, all I could think was, “Wow, that girl is really pretty. I’d like to get to know her” Not, “Wow, I’d like to date her.” Not, “Wow, she’s hot.” There was no agenda. There was no judgment or evaluation. Just a sense of awe. It was the most innocent, most genuine moment I can remember experiencing, and I think about it from time to time.

Obviously, that’s not the part I regret. I’m glad I had that feeling. The part I regret is what I decided to do about that feeling. Because I did nothing about it. Even though I genuinely cared for this girl, even though we came to be very close friends, even though we spent a lot of time together that year, I never told her how I felt. I was too young, too scared, and too insecure to do anything about my feelings. And that’s something I deeply regret.

The truth is that girl should have been my first girlfriend. She was wonderful. She was kind to me, she loved the Lord, and I would find out later that she actually felt the same way about me as I did about her. I had every opportunity to tell her how I felt, including the best New Year’s Eve party I’ve ever been to. But because I was passive and never worked up the courage to tell her, it became a missed connection—one that would bother me to this day.

Now, here’s what I’m not saying. I’m not saying this person was my soulmate. I don’t sit around missing her and wondering what our relationship would have been like. I’m happy with my life, and I’m pretty sure she’s happy with her life, too, and that’s great. It’s not so much that I regret that we didn’t date. I just regret the way things happened as a result of my passivity. I had an opportunity for my first dating relationship to be with a close friend who truly cared about me and to be based on that genuine, innocent feeling I had when I met her. I wish I had taken that opportunity. Instead, my first dating relationship was with a different girl who I hardly knew and who didn’t have a positive impact on my life. That relationship set some negative precedents for my future relationships that would take me a long time to correct, and I think all of that could have been avoided if I had just had a little faith in myself and been honest about my feelings when I had the chance.

I’ll never get that innocent, genuine moment back. It’s sad, but I’m not sure that I’ll ever be in a place again where I can look at a girl and appreciate her beauty without evaluating whether or not we would work as a couple. That was a unique, beautiful thing that I can never experience again. And when I think back on it, I kick myself for not doing anything about it. But at the same time, I’m so thankful for that moment. I’m thankful that even my regret can’t take away from how absolutely perfect that moment was. The truth is that I have so many more things to cherish than to regret, and that’s good enough for me.

Star Wars Rebels

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a review of the book Star Wars: A New Dawn, the first officially canonical Star Wars book. This week, I’m featuring the new TV show Star Wars Rebels, for which A New Dawn served as a prequel. But Rebels picks up quite a while after A New Dawn left off, and now, instead of focusing on a couple of characters on one planet, Rebels is telling the story of the original core group that would eventually become the Rebel Alliance as the travel across the galaxy on their ship The Ghost. Needless to say, it’s pretty cool.

I’m going to go ahead and address this from the start. Yes, Star Wars Rebels is an animated show that is geared towards kids and airs on Disney XD. Some people may be turned off by this. But I don’t think you should be. First of all, the animation aspect means that the writers can do some really creative and cool stuff that wouldn’t be feasible in a live action format. And the fact that the show is meant for a young audience doesn’t mean it can’t be enjoyed by adults. The show is still fun and comical, and it’s accessible to Star Wars fans of all ages, which I think actually makes it stronger rather than weaker.

With that out of the way, let’s get into the review. Star Wars Rebels is only a few episodes in, but it’s off to a great start. It premiered on Disney Channel with a one-hour movie called “Spark of Rebellion” and then moved over to Disney XD for its full first season run. The movie did a great job of introducing the characters and setting up the tone of the series, and it left viewers wanting more. But the show didn’t lose any steam after the movie, and it’s still going strong a few episodes later.

As I said before, Rebels tells the story of the original group that would eventually become the Rebel Alliance. The story truly begins when the group comes face-to-face with a young burglar named Ezra who tries to rob them but eventually becomes a member of the team. Ezra is allowed onto the team by the group’s leader Kanan because Kanan discovers that Ezra is unknowingly Force-sensitive. Kanan, a former Jedi trying to hide his identity for his own safety, decides to take Ezra on as a sort of unofficial padawan and train him in the Force.

Other members of the crew include Hera, the group’s pilot and the owner of the ship The Ghost, which serves as the main setting for the show; Zeb, an intelligent but wild-looking creature who is the group’s strongest fighter; Sabine, a Mandalorian artist and explosives expert; and Chopper, a moody astrodroid with a personality of his own. Needless to say, these characters are all pretty nontraditional, even for the Star Wars universe, and that makes for a very cool premise.

This show has so much potential to explore things about the Star Wars universe that we’ve never had a chance to see before. Personally, I’m excited to see what the relationship between a Jedi and his padawan looks like in a galaxy dominated by the Empire and void of the Jedi Order. It will also be interesting to see how the Empire deals with the knowledge that a Jedi survived Order 66, which sets up the introduction of the Inquisitor, a lightsaber-wielding warrior who is sent out by Darth Vader to catch Kanan once his Jedi identity is revealed. This all sounds really cool, and I’m excited to see how it plays out.

But just because all the main characters in Rebels are new, that doesn’t mean we won’t see some familiar faces. We’ve already seen some major players from the Star Wars films (including Obi-Wan Kenobi in hologram form) on the show, and I’m sure there are many more appearances to come. Word on the street is that Darth Vader will make an appearance in the ABC re-airing of the Spark of Rebellion movie this weekend, and I predict that he’ll probably show up again before the show is over. This show is telling a story that hasn’t been told before, but it’s still very much a Star War story.

Now is the perfect time to get into Star Wars Rebels. Only a few episodes have aired so far, so you can catch up in no time and follow the show as it progresses. Rebels has already been picked up for a second season, so it’s going to be here for a while. The story has a very interesting premise, and it promises to fill in some gaps that the two film trilogies have left us with. The Star Wars universe is alive and well, and I can’t get enough. Check out Star Wars Rebels on Disney XD and let me know what you think! And of course, may the Force be with you all.

How Are You?

It happens literally dozens of times everyday. I’m walking to class or sitting down for lunch or hanging out by the water fountain, and suddenly it happens. I see another person and one of us says, “Hey! How are you?” The other person replies, “Good! How are you?” And then that person responds with, “I’m good!” And then it’s over. That’s the end of the conversation. Each of us continues to go about his or her day. We’ll both probably forget that so-called conversation within a couple of minutes. And neither of us walks away with a sense of actual connection with another person or any idea of what the other person is actually going through. I know it may sounds like a small thing, but to me, it just feels so empty. And that is really starting to bother me.

Most of the time when we ask someone how they’re doing, we aren’t really asking out of concern for their person well-being. We’re just being polite. And that’s a shame. I’m as guilty of it as anyone else, so this blog post (like most that I write) is directed towards myself as much as it is towards anyone else. But this is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately, and I thought it might be worth writing about.

The problem isn’t trying to be polite. Politeness is a good thing. That’s why we teach it to children. It shows them how to act in a socially acceptable way and show respect to other people. That’s great. But it becomes an issue when it goes from trying to be polite to putting on a facade of caring about one another’s well-being when we really don’t. Or maybe we really do, but we’re not taking the time to really give the other person an opportunity to share how they’re doing and share with them how we’re doing. It’s become a socially acceptable lie, and I don’t wish to be a part of it anymore.

Because the truth is that I’m not always feeling good. The truth is that a lot of the time, I’m feeling sad, or frustrated, or anxious. But I would never tell someone that just in passing. I think that asking someone, “How are you?” and expecting them to respond with, “Good,” is a way of promoting shallowness and even inauthenticity when we interact with one another. We say we want people to be real, and yet we don’t really give them a chance to be. Instead of truly showing care for their well-being, we pretend that we do when really all we’re saying is, “Hello.”

I’m not saying this is done with bad intent. Sometimes, it can change the entire course of my day when someone simply asks me, “How are you doing?” And I try to make a point to ask people how they’re doing just in case there is something they need to talk about. But the vast majority of the time, the question, “How are you?” ends with a shallow, easy-to-forget interaction that doesn’t do much for either person involved. And maybe I’m crazy, but I think we can do better than that.

So here’s what I’m proposing. I’m going to attempt to do this, and if you’d like to try it, you can, too. From here on out, when I ask someone how they’re doing, I’m going to mean it. I’m going to give them a real opportunity to tell me how they’re doing, not just use it as a polite way to say hello in passing. And when someone asks me how I’m doing, I’m going to be honest with them. Now I’m not going to tell my whole life story to a stranger on the street, but I’m going to say something other than just, “Good.” When I’m happy, I’ll tell them I’m happy. When I’m stressed, I’ll tell them I’m stressed. I’m going to be real with them. And maybe that will give them an opportunity to be real with me, too.

Because that’s what we really crave. Real, authentic, meaningful connections with our fellow human beings. We want someone to truly ask us how we’re doing and mean it. So I’m choosing to mean it. And I hope you will, too. Thank you for reading, friends. I would love to talk with you and hear (for real) how you’re doing, so feel free to hit me up on social media anytime. Have a great week!

That One Looming Thing

I’ve had this feeling on and off for a long time. But mostly on. And I may be the only person in the world who feels this way, so please forgive me if you find this blog post to be unrelatable. But for the past four years or so, I’ve had this dreadful feeling come over me from time to time. It feels like there is constantly some huge obstacle looming ahead of me in the future. It’s something that I fear, something I know I’m going to dread doing, and something I’m probably going to put off until the last minute because I absolutely do not want to face it. It could be a paper, a project at work, or an uncomfortable conversation, but I feel like there is almost always something looming over me. And I don’t like it. So I’m writing a blog post to help myself think through it. You’re welcome.

This weekend, I finished two major projects. I edited a wedding video for two of my dear friends, and I wrote a term paper for my Introduction to Christian History class. These were big projects that took a lot of time and energy, but they weren’t that difficult. I actually enjoyed doing them. But they had been stressing me out for the past month as I was procrastinating and procrastinating on them. Why? Because I was afraid of them. They were looming over me, and they got scarier and scarier with time.

The truth is that the hardest part of those projects was choosing to get started. Once I got the ball rolling, everything else fell into the place. The video turned out great, and I’m actually pretty proud of my paper. That’s the thing about these looming things. They’re really not that bad once you get started. But you have to get past the fear and actually take that first step. That’s the only difficult part.

But there’s another thing about these things that loom over me. Once I get past one of them, it seems like I barely have time to celebrate before another one pops up. And then the cycle starts all over again. Right now, I’m in a stress-free place. I don’t have anything majorly difficult going on until finals. But I already have this subtle feeling that there’s no way this bliss can last. Something else is going to be looming over me soon, I just know it.

So what can we do about these things that loom over us? How can we break the cycle? As you can probably tell, I haven’t quite mastered that yet. But I’m going to try something. I’m choosing to see these big, looming projects not as obstacles but as goals to accomplish. I’m trying to remember that they’re not as bad as they seem; all I have to do is start, and everything else will work itself out. I’m going to choose to take that first step sooner rather than later so that I can enjoy the stress-free bliss for longer periods of time before something else comes along. Basically, I’m choosing to stand up to the looming things rather than avoid them like I’ve done in the past.

Again, I’m sorry if this post isn’t something you relate to. But I have to think I’m not the only one who feels this way. And it’s time for it to stop. I’m choosing not to dread things anymore. It’s time to face the big challenges, to overcome them, and to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes after it. No more looming things. Who’s with me?

Star Wars: A New Dawn

I’m a relatively new Star Wars fan. I saw the movies for the first time three years ago, when I was 19. It’s sad, I know. But as soon as I saw the Star Wars movies, I was hooked, and I wanted to know more. I got online and researched all the questions I had about the characters, the worlds, and the story of the Star Wars. I wanted to know everything there was to know about the amazing universe George Lucas created. I wanted to read every book, to play every game, to subscribe to every comic. But there was just too much. The Expanded Universe was too big, and I knew I could never take it all in.

And then the Lucas Story Group made the announcement that they were resetting the canon. Now, the canon includes only the six movies, the Clone Wars TV series, and all future books, movies, shows, etc. I was ecstatic because now I have an opportunity to experience the whole story with no ambiguity or conflicting plot lines. And I fully intend to experience all of it. The first book to officially fit into the Star Wars canon came out last month. It’s called A New Dawn, and it’s the subject of my Stuff Devon Likes post today.

A New Dawn actually serves a prequel to the brand new animated Star Wars TV series, Star Wars Rebels. The book acts as an introduction to two of the main characters in the show: Kanan, a wandering loner who has forsaken his Jedi past, and Hera, a young pilot seeking to start a resistance movement against the Empire. A New Dawn tells the story of how these two characters meet and sets up the show. Seeing as the show (which takes place between the two movie trilogies) is considered the origin story of the Rebel Alliance, A New Dawn could be considered the very beginning (or dawn, rather) of the rebellion.

A New Dawn takes place on a planet called Gorse and its moon Cynda. Kanan, who is working as a miner on Cynda while living on Gorse, meets Hera, and they discover a plot by the evil Empire mogul Count Vidian to destroy the moon (and subsequently Gorse) for his own gain and that of the Empire. Along with their friends Skelly and Zaluna, Kanan and Hera attempt to stop Vidian’s evil plan and save the people of Gorse.

One thing I like about A New Dawn is that it really establishes the feel of the galaxy under the Empire. By the time this book takes place, the Empire has been running for a while. It seems to permeate the lives of its citizens, and resistance isn’t even an option for most of them. That’s what makes characters like Kanan and Hera so special. In their own small ways, they work to combat the oppressive system of the Empire and ultimately, we know that this will turn into a full-fledged rebellion in the form of the Rebel Alliance. But for now, this is just a story of a couple of brave souls who are willing to stand up in their daily lives against the evil Empire while also trying to avoid going too far and getting into trouble.

There are also some references to other aspects of the Star Wars universe that really establish the fact that this story is a part of the great arc of the Star Wars. While Darth Vader himself doesn’t appear, he is mentioned. Stormtroopers are all over this book. And the technology and terminology used in the book are borrowed from other Star Wars sources.

While Star Wars Rebels is geared towards kids, A New Dawn is definitely for adults. This isn’t a children’s chapter book. It’s intense, honest, and subtle at points. The themes of resistance, rebellion, oppression, and loss are clear throughout the story. And they make for a very interesting and compelling story.

If you’re into Star Wars and want to know more about the story between Episodes III and IV, I would highly suggest checking out A New Dawn. It’s very cool to be able to experience the Star Wars universe in written form as well as in movie form. Star Wars is a huge undertaking, and it has a lot of stories to tell. A New Dawn is one of those stories, and it’s worth a read. Thanks for checking out my blog post, friends! Have a great Saturday, and I’ll see you next week.