You Are Enough

It’s something we all struggle with. The question, “Am I enough?” For each of us it’s something different. Maybe you want to be smart enough, attractive enough, successful enough. Enough to impress your parents. Enough to be what society tells you you should be. Enough to attract a future spouse. Whatever it is, we all just want to feel like we’re enough. We want that sense of self-worth, of completeness, but no matter how hard we try, it always feels like we aren’t enough.

I find that I struggle with self-worth most often right after a failure. When I get a bad grade on an exam. Or when I say something stupid in front of someone important. Or when I inevitably mess up the tires on my car. Whenever those things happen, I start to get really hard on myself. I tell myself something’s wrong with me. That I’m not good enough. “What is wrong with me?” I ask.

But failure isn’t the only thing that can trigger it. Sometimes it’s caused by something completely out of my control. When someone does something that hurts me. Or when I’m feeling lonely or abandoned. Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere for absolutely no reason. I all of a sudden find myself asking the question, “Am I enough?”

The answer to that question for each of us, as hard as it may be to accept, is yes. You are enough. Just the way you are. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even on your worst day. Even after you’ve done something that you think is unforgivable. Even when you feel like you’re alone and you’ve lost everything and there’s no hope, you can find hope in the fact that you are enough.

We base so much of our worth on the things that we do. How much we are able to achieve. How many mistakes we make. But this isn’t right. What you do is such a small part of who you are. Are your actions important? Yes. Should you take pride in your accomplishments and try to fix your mistakes? Of course. But those things don’t define you. Your worth is not based on the things that you do. You are worth so much more than that.

Your worth also isn’t based on what other people expect of you. So many people have complexes because they can’t fit into the idealized image of what society says they should be, but the truth is that no one fits that. It’s part of the reason why we have so much trouble accepting that we are enough. Forget what society says you should be. If they’re telling you you’re not enough, then they’re wrong.

Finally—and this is a tough one—your worth isn’t based on how other people treat you. The truth is that we live in a broken world, and people are going to mistreat you. They might even try to make you feel like it’s your fault when they do mistreat you. And when people do that, it’s hard to see yourself as worth anything. I get that. I’ve been there. But the truth is that you are worth so much, and the fact that someone else can’t see that is not your problem. It’s theirs. People who try to devalue others probably don’t have a very high opinion of themselves and have to compensate by tearing others down. If only each of us could just accept the fact that we are enough. You are enough.

You are a reflection of the God who made you. You are precious to Him. He made you just the way you are with a purpose in mind for your life. He loves you. He wants to do something big through you. And He wants you to know that you are enough. Because to Him, you’re everything. You’re worth dying for. And when He sees you questioning your worth, feeling like you’re not enough, it breaks His heart. He wants you to know that you are enough.

I know it’s hard. I struggle with this constantly. Sometimes I have to pray and ask God to remind me that I’m enough, to remind me who I am to Him. And I pray that for my friends and family, too. It’s a simple message, but it’s hard to accept. I hope and pray that someone who needed to hear this today will read this little rant and be blessed by it. I want everyone reading this to live their lives knowing that they are enough, that they mean something to God and they mean something to me. You are enough.

Byword

I recently discovered that I really enjoy writing. Like, I really enjoy it. It’s a great way for me to think things through and organize my thoughts. It also gives me a chance to express myself in a way that is constructive and healthy. Plus, when I’m done, I have something that I’ve work hard on, can be proud of, and can share with others if I choose to. Writing is great!

Like I said before, this is something I discovered recently. I used to think writing was lame. That’s because my only real experience with writing was with academic writing, something I still find to be lame most of the time. But I tried writing for myself instead of for an assignment, and I found that I really like it. The only problem was that the writing tools I was using were for academic writing, not for creative writing. And that’s when I discovered Byword.

Byword is a simple text editor for Mac and iOS. It allows you to edit rich text (like you would with TextEdit or Wordpad), but the coolest thing about Byword is that it also allows you to write in Markdown. More on that later. Byword syncs your documents between your devices through iCloud or Dropbox. That way, you can start something on your computer and revise it later on your iPhone or iPad. All of the apps are really beautiful. The UI does a good job of not getting the way so that I can just let my creative juices flow.

Another really cool thing about Byword is its publishing capabilities. These options cost a little more, but they are definitely worth it if you’re using Byword to write for a blog or if you want to sync your writings to Evernote. Whenever you’re done writing, you just hit the Publish button, tell Byword where you want to publish to, and it does all the back-end work for you. It’s really cool.

But my favorite thing about Byword, and the reason I chose it as my primary creative writing app, is that it is a Markdown editor. Markdown is a writing language that lets you do HTML-style formatting without having to actually write HTML. Instead, you use symbols to represent common HTML code. For example putting a # before a word or sentence makes it a header. The * symbol is used for italics, and ** is used for bold. It takes a little bit of getting used to, but once you get the hang of it, Markdown is a powerful writing language. And I like it because it makes me feel like I’m doing a little bit of coding along with my creative writing, which is an awesome feeling.

Beautiful user interface on multiple devices. Excellent publishing options. And Markdown support. That’s why I love Byword. I use Byword to write everything for my website. I also use it for my Bible journal and for writing sermons. I once used it to write an email just for fun. Basically, any of my writing that isn’t for school is done in Byword because it’s the best way to write. I would highly suggest Byword to anyone interested in writing. Thank you guys for reading, and I hope you’ll try out Byword. I’ll see you on Tuesday!

Byword is available for $9.99 on the Mac App Store and for $4.99 on the iOS App Store. It’s definitely worth every penny.

Plans Change

This past Sunday (as on most days), I woke up with a plan for how my day was going to go. I was going to go to church, spend the day there, and drive back to school after watching the Super Bowl with my friends. It seemed like a pretty good plan to me. After all, I was the one who came up with it. But my day didn’t turn out that way.

When I woke up, it was sleeting. I didn’t think much of it. I got up, got ready, and headed to church. But I quickly realized that things were not going according to plan. The roads were slick, and just driving from my house to the church was a scary experience. Once I got to the church, I had no idea what I was going to do. I ended up going home after service because the roads were too dangerous for me to drive to school on.

My initial reaction was frustration. Why did my plans have to change? I had to email all of my professors and let them know I’d be missing class, which is not something I enjoy doing. I also had to cancel an allergy appointment, which meant having to rearrange even more plans. Plus, I had no guarantee that the weather would ease up for me to drive to school on Monday. In my head, it all seemed like a big mess, and it upset me.

I think this is a pretty typical reaction when plans get messed up. It is for me, at least. I like to think ahead. I like to know what I’ll be doing at any given time throughout the coming day. I don’t mind a bit of spontaneity every now and then, but for the most part, I’m a planner, and I think a lot of people can relate. Life is just easier when you go in with a plan. You can get more done that way, and there is less room for a wild card to come in and take up all your time. Planning things out just makes sense.

But I think problems arise when we get too attached to our plans, and this is something I really struggle with. Once I’ve got my day planned out, I don’t like it to change. If someone asks me to rearrange something, I am tempted to get annoyed or frustrated with him or her, and I start to feel like my whole plan is falling apart right before my eyes. I mean, we already had it all planned out. Why does it have to change?

That’s the thing, though. Plans do change. It can be for any number of reasons, good or bad. It might be something uncontrollable like the weather, or it might be human error like a friend waking up late on the day of an important meeting. But no matter what the reason, plans are going to change. You could create the most meticulous, beautiful, well-thought-out plan in the world, but by the time that plan comes to fruition, something about it will probably change. And for me (and I think others), that’s really hard to accept.

It’s one thing to accept that plans change when it comes to small things like a lunch meeting or when one leaves for school. Even I can usually talk myself into coming to terms with the fact that plans change on this level. But what about when it’s something bigger than that? What about when your whole life plan is changed? What about when something unexpected, like an illness or the loss of a job, comes in and just completely shatters everything you’ve planned for your life? What then?

I can’t say I know a whole lot about this level of change. But I imagine that you have to do the same thing with these big changes that you do with the small changes. You accept them. You adjust to them. Even if that’s hard, even if it seems impossible, there’s not much else you can do. Sure, you can get upset or try to live in denial, but that’s not going to get you very far. Because like I said before, plans will change. It’s inevitable, and often it’s something we cannot do anything about. So we have to accept it and do what we can with the situation we’re in.

I think life would be a lot easier for myself and the other planners out there if we could keep the simple truth that plans change in mind while we’re making them. If I take the approach that I have a plan, but it’s flexible to some change if need be, I’ll probably be a lot more open to change when it inevitably comes along. I think ultimately all of our plans should be considered temporary pending God’s approval. He has a master plan for our lives, and we should always try to conform our plans to His.

Because when it comes down to it, God knows what’s best for us. His plans are perfect, very much unlike ours. And sometimes, those curveballs that come our way and mess up our plans may just be God’s way of saying, “Hey, that’s not the direction I want you to go!” And not all curveballs are bad. So if you’re a planner like me and things don’t go according to plan, just try to go with it. And if you end up snowed in watching the Super Bowl with your family instead of driving to school, well, maybe that’s OK. After all, plans change. May as well make the most of it.

Agents of SHIELD

Agents of SHIELD is a new show on ABC that chronicles the adventures of Agent Phil Coulson and his team as they investigate very strange occurrences and battle with superhuman bad guys of all sorts. The team works for the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division (or SHIELD for short), which is a government division within the Marvel Cinematic Universe that deals with superheroes and supervillains. As the premise suggests, it’s a pretty exciting show.

Many of you may know Agent Coulson from several Marvel films. He has appeared in Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, and The Avengers. He started off as a new character created just for the films, but he has turned out to be pretty important in the series. And if you’ve seen The Avengers (spoiler alert if you haven’t, just skip to the next paragraph), you know that Coulson is killed during the film. A big part of the show revolves around the mystery of how Coulson is alive, his journey to understand what happened to him, and the psychological implications of coming back from the dead. It’s a really interesting story, and they’re telling it in small pieces that are satisfying but still keep you guessing.

The other main characters in the show are new to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. SHIELD is a pretty big operation, and we’ve only met a few agents personally, so the show gives us an opportunity to look at what it’s like for the people working within SHIELD. Each character has his or her own quirks, and they interact with each other in complicated, interesting ways that are sometimes simply hilarious.

You’ve got Agent May, the pilot who came out of retirement just to work with Coulson. Then there’s Ward, the young agent who does everything by the book. Fitz and Simmons are science experts, but they both end up spending a good deal of time outside the lab. And finally, there’s Skye, who isn’t officially a SHIELD agent but works with the team as a tech consultant. Each character has their own backstory that we learn little by little, and each of them has gone through a great deal of growth since the show began. It’s very cool to see the characters’ stories unfold as the series progresses.

What I think is really cool about Agents of SHIELD is that it takes place within the larger Marvel Cinematic Universe. If you’re a fan of the recent Marvel movies, then you’ll feel right at home with this show. There are plenty of references to the films, and some major characters even make cameos on the show. Events that happen within the films have an effect on the show, and I’m hoping that the show will eventually make an impact on the films, too.

I’ll finish by saying this: I almost gave up on Agents of SHIELD after watching the pilot. It was cheesy and awkward, and I didn’t really feel like it fit well with the rest of the MCU. Fortunately, I gave it a second chance and watched the next episode, and I was hooked. The show had a bit of a rocky start, but it’s really found itself. They’ve been working on an overarching storyline for this season that is just starting to emerge, and I can honestly say it’s very cool. I would suggest giving this show at least two episodes to grow on you. I think if you give it a chance, you’ll be hooked. I know I am.

Agents of SHIELD airs Tuesdays nights at 7:00 central on ABC. New episodes start back this Tuesday, February 4.

January in Review

Hello, friends! I hope all is well. Can you believe it’s already been 2014 for a month? It’s gone by so quickly. I’m still trying to break the habit of putting 2013 when I write the date. But even though it’s gone by quickly, January has been exciting. Here’s what I’ve been up to.

On January 1, I put my New Year’s Resolutions into effect, and I’m proud to say I’ve kept up with each of them. I thought now would be a good time to look back on each of them and see how they’re going.

I’ve been writing every day, and that’s been really good for me. I’ve found that taking a few minutes every day to express myself has been very energizing and inspiring. I’ve yet to experience writer’s block, although I’m sure it will come eventually. But I’m very pleased with what I’ve written thus far, and I look forward to writing more.

On top of my more creative writing, I’ve also been keeping a Bible journal every day. This has been amazing. My pastor suggested it to me a long time ago, and I wish I had heeded his advice sooner. After reading a passage of scripture, I take the time to think it through and write a response to it. This has helped me process my readings more and apply God’s word to my life in a way that simply reading through each day can’t do. I’m also creating a resource (37 pages already!) that I can use when I’m writing sermons to go back and look at my thoughts on passages in the past and apply them to my writings in the future. My expanded verse of the day has been a success, I think. It has helped me keep each day’s verse in the front of my mind, and I hope you guys enjoy my brief thoughts on a scripture daily. If not, let me know how I can improve!

1SE has kind of been a different story. I really like the idea of capturing a moment every day, but some days, I struggle to find something worth recording. And often when I do something that is worth recording, I’m too caught up in what I’m doing to remember to film! I’m still working through what I want my 1SE to be and how it fits in my life, but it at least gives me an excuse to share cute videos of Aiden anyhow.

Those of you who have been keeping up with my blog know that I have stayed faithful to the schedule I set out at the beginning of the year. I’ve posted a blog post every Tuesday and a Stuff Devon Likes article every Saturday this month, and I think this schedule is really working well. It pushes me to write and reflect often while not putting too much strain on my schedule. I had a mini-adventure this week when I woke up on Tuesday and realized I hadn’t pre-written something to publish. But I wrote up a post that I think is relatable and sticks to the level of quality I’m trying to uphold on my site. So blogging is going well, and I hope you enjoy reading them.

All in all, I’d say my New Year’s Resolutions are going strong. In non-resolution news, we launched the new Merge website, which I helped to create, this month. The launch was a huge success. I also spent a week sick in bed, which wasn’t fun. I’m sure many of you saw me complaining about it on Twitter. I got to babysit Aiden for a couple of days, and we had a great time. I’m really glad I got that quality time with him while I was home.

Now I’m back at school getting into the swing of things. I’m really happy with my class schedule this semester, and I’m excited to start working at Camp Beaverfork again soon. This semester is all about tying up loose ends before graduation: writing my thesis, taking the Psychology Major Field Test, and making sure I have fulfilled every last requirement so I can get that fancy diploma in May. So far, so good. Thank you guys for joining me on this journey. I hope you’ve enjoyed this little update, and I look forward to sharing more of my life with you in the coming months. To finish off my January update, here’s my 1 Second Everyday video for January 2014. Enjoy!