I’ve always had a weird obsession with junk food. For me, it’s not so much about eating these foods, though I do of course love that part. What I really enjoy, though, is keeping up with what’s new in the junk food/fast food world, trying things out, and finding trends in what all of these companies are doing as they seek new ways to enable our slow but steady self-destruction.

It doesn’t really matter what the category is. Candy bars. Hamburger joints. Ice cream flavors. Soda companies. (Have you seen the number of different Mountain Dew flavors out there?) I try to keep up with them all. And when I hear about something new and interesting, I just have to try it for myself.

I’m not the only person out there who does this as a hobby. In fact, there’s a whole ecosystem of Twitter feeds, blogs, Instagram profiles, and even podcasts dedicated to the latest products, tests, and announcements. People make a living off of reporting on and reviewing junk food products. Dream job much?

I have some all-time favorites, of course. Here are a handful of them:

When I was in college, I travelled to Indiana one summer for work, and I discovered Mello Yello for the first time. It was just coming back into production after being discontinued for years, and it hadn’t made it to my part of the country yet. The first time I saw the Original Smooth in my local Walmart, I couldn’t contain my excitement; I bought every case they had.
The Doritos Locos Taco was on my radar for a very long time before I ever tasted it. For at least a year before its national release, I kept up with reports about the stores that were testing it and rumors of when it would finally spread nationwide. I was not disappointed when I finally got my hands on one (and then another, and so on).
In seminary, I figured out that Trolli sells all of its new products to 7-11 gas stations first. Fortunately, I lived across the street from one, so every time they came out with the latest gummy treat (octopi, sloths, even gummy hands), I knew where to find them. 😋
Dunkin’ Donuts used to be my second office. I’d set up shop there every morning and work for a couple of hours. I became such good friends with the baristas that they would show me their calendar of upcoming, unannounced flavors and even let me try them early. I once went home with a whole jug of Brownie Batter syrup!
A couple of years ago, I stopped at a McDonald’s in the middle of nowhere on a trip that I barely remember. What I do remember, though, is that this particular McDonald’s was testing a new menu item: Chicken McGriddles. I had to try it, and it was amazing. The savory chicken and sweet, syrupy pancakes mixed together to make the perfect breakfast sandwich. When I got home, I tried ordering it again with no luck, and so I patiently waited for McDonald’s to do the right thing and share this beautiful invention with the world. They finally did just last month, and I’ve already had three of them. Best. breakfast. ever.
If you think the most exclusive flavor of Mountain Dew out there is Baja Blast, you would be mistaken. I’ve discovered the hidden gem of the MD line, and it’s called Berry Monsoon. Available exclusively at Sam’s Club cafés, you can’t buy this flavor in cans or bottles, only by the fountain cup. But that just makes Berry Monsoon MD that much more precious.

Back in my bachelor days, I spent a significant amount of time researching and tracking down the latest junk food innovation. It was a really fun waste of time and potential. But when Katherine and I got together, my priorities changed drastically, and I figured that those days were gone.

Until one day when we had a few extra minutes before she had to get back to work from lunch and I awkwardly blurted out, “There’s this new Hershey’s bar I’ve been wanting to try. Mind if we stop at this gas station real quick?” I couldn’t totally read her reaction, but she agreed to stop, so I went with it. We went into the store and after a couple of minutes of searching, I asked the clerk if they had the new candy bar. They didn’t.

At that point, I probably should have given up. Katherine hadn’t been my girlfriend for very long, and I still wasn’t sure that my quirkiness wouldn’t scare her off. But against my better judgment, I turned to her and asked if we could try a different gas station across the street. 🤦🏽‍♂️

I still don’t know if her response came from a place of actual interest or if she was just trying to humor me, but either way, Katherine said yes. We went in search of the candy bar to another store, and we found it. Prize in hand, I took Katherine back to work, and we unwrapped the Hershey’s Gold bar and each had a bite. (It was terrible.)

That was our first snack adventure together, and it turned out to be the first of many. Even though my wife doesn’t totally nerd out about every new product the way I do, we have discovered a mutual interest and a unique way to enjoy time together. I think that’s pretty special.

Nowadays, I don’t spend as much time reading blogs about the newest flavor of Oreo. I don’t taste test every new thing that comes out. I’m trying to take better care of myself (and my wallet), so I eat a lot more salads at home and a lot fewer of whatever Taco Bell has come up with this week. Priorities change. I’ve changed. But that doesn’t mean my hobby has to die.

We still have our snack adventures. I believe we always will. Just this weekend, Katherine and I were invited by her aunt to try out the new Wendy’s breakfast menu. It was great! But what was even greater was getting to enjoy my dumb hobby with someone I love. That beats Berry Monsoon Mountain Dew any day.