Everyone honors their loved ones differently once they’re gone. I’ve never been one to visit a graveside or light a candle on any particular day, but this day is one I have to recognize somehow. Perhaps this is it.

Two years ago, my wife and I found out that our first pregnancy had come to an end after only six weeks. We said goodbye to the child we’d been eagerly expecting. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced.

Our dream of having a baby was dashed – and it felt like it was gone forever. As we now know, that wasn’t the case. I never could have imagined it at the time, but today I’m raising a happy, healthy, rambunctious 13-month-old who keeps me both laughing and on my toes. I couldn’t be more thankful for my son.

There’s a dissonance between the joy I feel now and the heartbreak I went through two years ago. Most days, it’s easy to focus on the bright side and let the hard stuff hang out in the background; it’s not that the sadness ever fully goes away, but it doesn’t take the spotlight. That’s for the best. But not today.

I hope I honor the life of our child every day, but on this day in particular, I want to commemorate them. I‘m choosing to remember it all: the heart-pounding joy of reading that first pregnancy test, the repeated reminders in my head to keep my excitement a secret for now, the roller coaster of not knowing if things were going to be okay, and the gut punch of finding out for sure that they weren’t. It’s not easy allowing myself to feel all of these things, but I want to, because these memories are how I stay connected to this precious life that meant the world to me.

I will not forget you, little one. No matter how much time passes, you’re with me. You always will be. You’re in my heart every day, but today especially, I remember you – the smile you put on my face when you entered my life, the hole you left when you were gone, and the way you’ve changed me forever. I won’t forget.