Christmas is nearly upon us, and it truly is a wonderful time. Gathering with those we love. Exchanging gifts. Celebrating Christ’s birth. Looking back on another year of growth and change. There’s a reason we so look forward to it year after year.

But for many, this is a time of mixed emotions. Whether it’s missing a loved who’s passed on, having to face a difficult family situation, struggling to make ends meet, or any number of other things, there are a lot of reasons one might be feeling down this time of year.

And if that’s you, I want you to know you’re not alone.

The truth is that underneath the surface, behind all of the smiling and celebrating, we each have a deep pain that we carry with us. And for some, this particular point on the calendar accentuates that pain in ways others simply cannot imagine.

I’ve seen it in the eyes of those I love after a year of loss—including, for some, this one. I’ve even experienced it myself in years past when my own family traditions had to change. For a lot of people, it gets easier; even though things will never be the same, you find a new normal. For others, the struggle is fresh and new every year, and it’s all they can do just to get through the holidays without a breakdown.

While some of us are concerned about finding the perfect gift, planning a great party, or sending fancy cards to everyone we know, others around us are silently suffering, wanting nothing more than just to survive this time of year and maybe find a speck of hope somewhere in the midst of it all. And this time is theirs, too.

Christmas is a time of joy and celebration, to be sure. But even the very event we celebrate wasn’t so clear cut. Jesus was born not at a big party, but in a farmhouse that his impoverished parents were sleeping in because they couldn’t find anywhere else to stay. Jesus’ birth was accompanied by the celebration of angels, shepherds, and wise men; however, it also came with the fear felt by his refugee family fleeing persecution and the wails of mothers throughout the land who lost their baby boys to Herod’s viciousness.

There’s certainly joy in the story, and lots of it. But there’s suffering there, too.

From its very beginning, this holiday has been about human experience. It celebrates the incarnation of Jesus, God becoming a person to live the way we do. And our lives are rarely all one thing or another. Usually, they’re a mixture of good, bad, and in-between. Jesus experienced that himself, even on the very night of his birth.

Just as there’s no one way to celebrate this season, there’s no one way to feel about it, either. We each have unique experiences and real, legitimate feelings that come along with them. We can’t expect that just because this time is easy and light for us that it will be for someone else, too.

For those of us finding ourselves in a good place this holiday season, let’s go out our way to be cognizant of the experiences of those around us. As we celebrate, let’s remember that this time of year isn’t easy for everyone. Let’s do our best to be understanding and meet people where they are rather than expecting them to do things our way.

And if you’re hurting right now, please know that we care. Some of us may get too caught up in the merriment to remember that we need to make room for your pain, but you have a right to feel the way you feel. You’re not doing Christmas wrong; you’re not a buzzkill. You’re just in pain, and we are here for you.

In a perfect world, the holidays would be nothing less than merry and bright. But in our world, this time of year, wonderful as it may be, often has a somber undertone. As we get together with those we love to celebrate and enjoy all the warmth and cheer we can muster, may we also make room within ourselves and our celebrations for those less cheery feelings, too. Because they’re real, and they have their place—even now.

Merry Christmas, friends. Wishing you and yours all the joy and peace in the world. 🎄 I’ll talk to you again soon!