My reactions to this pandemic come in waves. For the most part, I feel like I’ve been handling it pretty well, but there have certainly been times when it’s taken an emotional toll on me.

I miss my friends.

I miss my family.

I miss going to the movies.

I miss eating out with people.

I miss being able to leave my house without feeling like it’s a constant game of chance that I or someone I love could eventually lose.

I miss the way things used to be. Who knew all that we were taking for granted when life was “normal?”

This pandemic has forced us into making a lot of decisions that we’re not used to or prepared for. Decisions that are key to our health and longevity. But they don’t really feel that way on the micro level.

I don’t think the human brain is made to be in survival mode for this long. We are living in a constant state of low-probability but high-risk threat from an invisible force that can often seem so distant. How do we even begin to process that?

It’s tough to know that we’re making good decisions when the situation is so murky. Our leaders aren’t helping with their constant infighting and inconsistent communication. The whole situation has been politicized in a time when we need to be a united front more than ever.

What’s even harder is knowing that most of the rest of the world has moved on. They dealt with the virus, got it under control, and have mostly resumed their normal lives. We’d all like to live like that. Here, though, the pandemic is raging on and leaving a lot of damage in its wake.

There are many reasons the problem is so widespread here. But I think one of the big ones—at least the one I’ve been thinking about the most lately—is the cognitive dissonance that we’re all dealing with.

On the one hand, we know the virus is dangerous. On the other hand, we can’t see it or even its effects most of the time. A lot of us don’t know anyone personally who’s been affected by it. So many people are going about their normal business and seem to be doing just fine, while others haven’t left home in months for their health and the greater good. How do we know what’s best for us?

I tend to err on the side of caution, but even I have been struggling to know if I’m making the right calls. I don’t want to go overboard and isolate myself unnecessarily. But at the same time, I worry that even I am not taking this thing seriously enough. Shouldn’t we all be taking as many precautions as we possibly can?

When something doesn’t seem to affect us, it’s hard for us to care about it. We don’t want to take on any inconveniences if we aren’t going to benefit from them. And this virus can seem so far away, so disconnected from our everyday lives, that we don’t really see the need to change what we’re doing.

But the truth is that this thing is very real, and it’s affecting a lot of people in very real ways. People are dying. Others are suffering from health consequences that will last the rest of their lives.

If we’re not willing to be careful to protect ourselves, surely we can at least go out of our way to look out for those who are most susceptible and likely to die from it, right?

All I know for sure is that I want normalcy back. I want the low-level anxiety I feel anytime I leave the house to dissipate. I want my loved ones—and everybody’s loved ones—to be safe and healthy. I want to go to the movies again.

So I’m doing my best to do my part. It’s a daily struggle to figure out the right approach, and I’m not as consistent as I should be. But I’m trying to stay informed and make the best decisions for myself based on what’s happening around me.

Right now, that looks like a lot of staying home and declining invitations to things. Things that I’d really love to go to. Things that I feel awful missing out on and that make me cry when I have to say no. Things that make me wonder if I’d be better off going about my business as usual like a lot of those around me.

But I have to believe that I’m doing it for a reason. I have to believe that every time I choose to avoid physical contact with someone, I’m giving the virus one less opportunity to spread its destruction. There’s no telling how many times I could have gone somewhere and gotten sick but didn’t because I made the right call. Then again, there’s no telling how many times I stayed home when I could have gone out and been just fine.

It’s a game of chance, but it’s a game I simply can’t lose, because losing could mean great harm to myself or the people I love. Navigating these risk-versus-reward calls day in and day out is hard. It’s exhausting. But I have to keep doing it.

Our minds weren’t made to make decisions in this kind of environment long-term. It’s easy to question or criticize others, but I think the best thing we can do is recognize that we’re all going through this together and try to practice as much empathy as we can muster.

I don’t envy anyone who’s struggling to make the best decisions for themselves and their families right now. It’s a tough spot for each of us to be in. I hope you’re staying safe, doing well, and taking care of yourself and those around you.

This can’t last forever; it will end. And when it does, every inconvenience and difficulty we take on in the name of overcoming this pandemic will have been worth it.

Let’s see each other through this. Stay safe, friends.