Things have been quieter than usual here lately, and I’d like to apologize for that. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to write to you or anything. I’ve just found it to be a lot harder as of late, and I’d like to explain why.

We’re living in some strange times, and they’re affecting everyone differently. I don’t want to pretend that my pandemic experience has been particularly more difficult than others’. My loved ones are safe; we’re getting by. In that sense, all is well.

But I have experienced a sharp decrease in my available mental bandwidth over these past six months. As we’ve talked about before, bandwidth is a technology term that refers to the amount of information a data channel can carry at any given time. Metaphorically, we can apply it to our own minds to mean the capacity we have to handle things like information, tasks, stress, and communication.

One’s mental bandwidth varies from day to day and can be affected by any number of factors. If you’re feeling really stressed at work, you might have little bandwidth for much else, including taking care of yourself and spending social time with friends. On the other hand, if your mind is clear and worry-free, then you’ll find yourself with plenty of extra bandwidth for creativity, expression, and other things.

Our minds were only made to handle so much at once. When we hit that limit, there just isn’t room for anything else. We either have to remove something that’s taking up bandwidth or stop taking on new things. And that’s where I’ve found myself lately.

A combination of factors has forced me to reallocate my mental energy in the months since the pandemic began. Those factors include

managing a heavier workload with added responsibilities,
learning new tools and skills to keep the church connected digitally,
trying to maintain relationships with my loved ones when I can’t visit them,
and navigating the ever-changing landscape of our society during COVID.

I won’t lie: Some days, managing all of this has been hard. The work stuff has actually been fun, and I’m really proud of the way it’s all turned out. But not seeing people and trying to make the right decisions for my safety and the safety of my loved ones has really weighed on me. And it’s taken up a lot of my mental capacity.

Hopefully it’s understandable why my writing might slip down the priority list in light of all of this. It’s not that I don’t care about it or want to do it. I even still have time set aside for it every week. I just haven’t had the bandwidth to generate ideas, process them, write them out, and edit them like I usually do.

Don’t worry, though. I’m taking care of myself. When you don’t see a blog post here on any given Tuesday, it’s safe to assume that I used my writing time for a mental health break, maybe even a good nap or some time outside with Winter.

I’m managing my bandwidth to the best of my ability, and that might mean I have to skip something I love every once in a while. It’s a process, and I’ve got every intention of reallocating that bandwidth back to my writing as soon as it’s available. It just so happened that I had some available this week, which is why you’re reading this.

We’re all learning to adapt to this new normal. There’s no way of telling when the pandemic will die down or what the world’s going to look like once it does. All we can do is our best to take care of ourselves and those we love. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you don’t hear from me on here as much as you expect, it’s because I’m doing just that: my best. My bandwidth might be maxed out, but I’m still here.

If you’ve been feeling your mental bandwidth tapped out a little more lately, you’re not alone. It’s perfectly okay to make the changes necessary to keep yourself healthy. Don’t be afraid to take a step back, give yourself a break, and conserve your energy for the things that are absolutely vital. You’ve got this.

And if you’re one of those people who copes with stress by creating wonderful things, two things:

I’m jealous of you.
I’m happy for you! I’d love to see what you’ve been up to.

The only way through this is by seeing each other through this. So let’s support one another in taking care of ourselves, whether that means taking a step back or going all-in. Thank you so much for all of your support, both now and the many times before. I appreciate you taking the time to read this, and I’ll talk to you again as soon as possible.

Until then!