Devon Dundee

Writing about things that matter (to me)

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It’s All Happening

October 30, 2018 by Devon Dundee

What do you do when everything you’ve been planning and dreaming of suddenly comes true? That’s the question I’ve been asking myself lately. I took some time off writing to focus on some major life changes: closing on a house, getting married, moving. These are things I’ve wanted my whole life and been planning for many, many months. And now, here they are.

We spend so much of our lives striving for things. Striving for a better job. Striving for a fulfilling relationship. Striving for the right living situation and the right body and the right self-esteem. It feels like we’re always reaching and preparing for something more. At least, that’s been my experience these past 26 years.

But now, for the first time ever, I feel a sense of completeness. I don’t mean feeling complete in myself; I’ve always felt complete no matter my situation. But a feeling that the goals I’ve been working towards all of this time are now completed. Top-notch education: check. Dream job: check. Buying a house: check. Finding and marrying the right person: check. These are the things I always thought of “somedays” that I was working towards. Now, someday is today, and it’s all so very real.

I’m not saying all of this to brag. I recognize that I don’t deserve to be where I am. I put in a lot of hard work to get here, but all of the work in the world couldn’t earn the happiness and contentment that I feel. I’m blessed beyond measure, because only the grace of God and a lot of other wonderful, loving people could have gotten me where I find myself now. No, I’m not boastful, but thankful.

In the midst of that thanks, though, is a temptation. A temptation to go back to my old ways of striving. Because there’s so much left to do: become a parent, save for retirement, leave a legacy, and more. If I’m not careful, my tendency is to jump right back into the mindset of setting and working towards more goals rather than enjoying my current situation.

So what am I supposed to do now that I have the things I’ve wanted for so long? I’m supposed to stop, to breathe, and to savor every last bit of it. To resist the urge to strive. To live completely in the present and not worry about the future too much. It’ll come, surely enough. It always does. But now—right now—all I want to do is enjoy the best season of my life thus far. To hold my wife close, spend quality time with family (new and old), and grow deep roots in my new home.

I understand that this is a short, rare time of life, and that’s why I’m doing everything I can to protect it and cherish it for as long as possible. If you’re ever fortunate enough to find yourself in a similar place, I hope you’ll do the same. Striving is honorable for a time, but once you get what you’ve been striving for, maybe you should consider stopping for a bit. That’s what I’m doing now, and I couldn’t possibly enjoy it more.

October 30, 2018 /Devon Dundee
life update
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Liminal

October 02, 2018 by Devon Dundee

A liminal space is the area between what’s happened and what’s to come. It’s a time of transition and change. It’s that period when you can feel that something new is coming, but it’s not quite here yet. When you find yourself sort of in the middle, already past where you’ve been but not yet able to start the next big thing.

It’s a fluid time without a solid foundation. The habits, rules, strategies, and categories you’ve used before no longer work for you, but you haven’t found new ones yet. So you’re basically just winging it, trying to figure it all out. Everything’s sort of unclear and undefined.

It can be a little jarring, but you also recognize it as a time of growth. Because you need the time to fully let go of your old way of doing things before it’s time to learn a completely new one. It’s a necessary time, and one that can be really meaningful if you let it.

I’ve often found myself in liminal spaces, and now, here I am again. This phase of my life has been a foundational transition for me, and I’m still waiting to see when exactly I’ll break out into the other side. But as I navigate this time in all of its liminality, I’m trying to keep up some basic practices to ensure I get the most out of it.

Appreciating the Past

Moving on doesn’t undermine the value of what’s come before. I couldn’t be more thankful for where I’ve been. Every connection, every lesson, and every experience has helped make me who I am today and prepare me for the future. The past is never really gone, after all. Even as I grow, I will carry all of that with me, as well as my deep appreciation for it.

Liminal spaces are an especially appropriate time to consider one’s history, its value, and its lasting effects. There are so many things that we can learn from our experiences, but only through appreciative reflection. Even if the past isn’t a particularly enjoyable time to recollect, there is still value in recognizing it rather than rejecting it. We can move on from what’s happened before, but we can never erase it, nor should we try to.

Anticipating What’s Ahead

I’m a planner. I love to come up with agendas, checklists, and schedules for different areas of my life. But I’m also a dreamer, and I get so much joy out of simply imagining the possibilities for the way things could turn out. I think that liminal spaces have room for both. It’s always good to have goals and plans to accomplish those goals, but the future’s also a mystery, and that can be a really exciting thing.

While the past is a source of learning, the future is a source of energy. What keeps us going through the liminal spaces is the promise that on the other side awaits something more wonderful than anything we’ve experienced before. Who knows? It might even be better than we imagine. When we go in with a plan and the flexibility that comes with dreaming, we set ourselves up for success on the journey that lies ahead.

Cherishing Every Moment

But the liminal space itself has a lot to offer. It doesn’t have to be a time of impatience or feeling stuck. Really, liminality is a gift. It’s an opportunity to slow down and enjoy one’s life before the change comes and everything speeds back up again. You’ll never have more time—or at least feel like you do—than when you’re in the in-between, and if you choose to enjoy it, it can be very meaningful.

The moments I’m having with my family and friends in this phase of life will soon become memories that I’ll always treasure. I’ve really tried to take this opportunity to let people know how much they mean to me, how much they’ve impacted me, and how glad I am to have them in my life as I get ready for everything ahead of me. They say the present is a gift, and I understand that more now than ever. As my life is about to change, I’m choosing to cherish every last moment I get with those I love, because things will soon never be the same.

Seeking a New Normal

Liminal spaces aren’t meant to last forever. This one will soon come to an end. When it does, I’m going to settle into a new routine with new experiences and new opportunities for growth and enrichment. After this time of transition, I’m looking forward to a new normal. I get to build a new foundation for this phase of life. I can make it whatever I choose, and I simply can’t wait.

Liminality is fun, but we can’t cling to it. There’s a certain thrill that comes with being in-between, and it’s temporarily enjoyable. But nothing beats the fulfillment and security that come from digging deep, growing roots, and doing life with people. That’s the reward that lies on the other side of the liminal space.

Life is a series of phases and transitions. No phase lasts forever, no transition lasts for too long, and that’s the way it should be. If you, like me, are in a liminal space right now, I hope you’ll take the time to practice these principles I’ve laid out above. I know they’ve made this an incredibly meaningful experience for me. Thank you to everyone who’s playing a part in this fun time of my life, and thank you for reading. I’ll see you on the other side of this transition.

October 02, 2018 /Devon Dundee
life update
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Jesus and the Samaritan Woman: A Case Study in Humanization

September 25, 2018 by Devon Dundee

I don’t have a big, long post for you this week. I’d just like to finish up my mini-series on humanization with a counterexample to the one we started with. A little while ago, we looked at dehumanization in the life of Jacob and its disastrous effects on his family. Now, let’s look at the ultimate example of someone who knows how to treat people properly. Let’s look at Jesus.

The story of Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman (also known as the woman at the well) in John 4 is one of the most well-known stories in all of scripture. It’s beloved, and for good reason. What at first glance might seem like an everyday conversation between two strangers at a well is actually a profound, world-changing revelation by Jesus of God’s intentions for the world and his expectations for us.

It truly is a case study in humanization. In this single story, we see Jesus practice all of the principles we’ve discussed the past few weeks and others, all of which indicate that Jesus really was treating his conversation partner as a fellow human being in the fullest sense.

We see him practice equality. It’s hard for us to understand the racial and ethnic tensions of Jesus’ day, but put simply, the Jews and the Samaritans did not get along. Jewish people weren’t supposed to have anything to do with Samaritans because they were considered ethnically unclean, being the mixed descendants of Jewish and Gentilite ancestors. The fact that Jesus would even travel through the area, much less actually converse and share water with one of the locals, is a major break with social norms and a major blow to the rampant racial prejudice of his day.

But he didn’t stop there. In her shocked response to Jesus’ decision to talk to her, his conversation partner refers to herself a Samaritan woman, and both of those words are significant. Just as Jews didn’t converse with Samaritans, so men didn’t speak to women as equals, either, if at all. If word had gotten out that Jesus was spending time with a woman at a well, it would have been scandalous. But he didn’t care. He not only spoke to her; he spoke to her as an equal.

Just by being where he was and speaking with the person he spoke to, Jesus was carrying out a revolutionary act of equality. He broke down human-made barriers that kept people excluded, devalued, and oppressed. He let the Samaritan woman—and all of us—know that he regarded her as a fellow human being, equal in value with any other. That’s humanization.

Jesus also made room for her agency. He treated her like a fellow subject rather than an object. He didn’t boss her around, but rather invited her into an interaction with him. He didn’t silence her, but rather left room for her to speak and to express herself, including her frustrations with the ways she’d been treated. He didn’t condemn her (though some modern readers might try if given the chance), but rather showed her compassion just as she was, inviting her to come to know him for who he was.

In his conversation with the Samaritan woman, Jesus recognized something that we all too often forget: She was a person created by God in his image for a purpose and with a free will. He knew he couldn’t coerce her into seeing him as her messiah. He knew he couldn’t establish a relationship with her based on righteous indignation. He simply allowed her to fully be herself, which opened up the door for her to feel fully known by him and to come to fully know him, too. That’s the basis for true reconciliation.

And finally, he practiced affirmation towards her. Before she knew anything else, this woman knew that Jesus was for her. He treated her with respect. He listened to her. And he expressed his desire to see the best for her come about, not only by breaking down the ethnic, religious, and social barriers that held her back, but by freeing her from her own insecurities and giving her abundant, never-ending life. Jesus was for her.

As we read on, we find out this interaction turned out pretty well for everyone involved. The woman came to know Jesus as her savior, and she even went home and told her community about her conversation with him. As a result, they met Jesus and believed in him as well. This is the first instance of Gentiles coming to know Christ in the gospel of John, and it happened as a result of Jesus’ humanizing conversation with the woman at the well.

We people of faith know that Jesus is meant to be our example in all things, and I can’t imagine a better example of how to humanize others than he gives us here. Jesus knew how to make every person he came into contact with feel recognized, heard, and known, and he did so by treating each and every person like a person. We are called to do the same. I believe that through studying the examples that Jesus gives us, seeking to emulate him, and allowing him to transform our hearts, we can come to practice humanization in all of our interactions as well.

Thanks for reading this little series, friends. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you found it helfpul. I know I have. Let’s follow Jesus’ example and go treat people like people today, tomorrow, and every day.

September 25, 2018 /Devon Dundee
compassion
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Affirmation

September 17, 2018 by Devon Dundee

Some of us may be better at hiding it than others, but we all need a pick-me-up from time to time. An encouraging word. A smile from a stranger. Maybe just someone to tell you that everything’s OK. In a word, we all need support. It’s a basic human necessity. In fact, I would argue that it’s something every person deserves, and it’s the last aspect of humanization we’re going to talk about in this little series: affirmation.

To affirm someone means at its core to be for them. To be on their side. To support them and build them up so that they can be all that they’re capable of. This manifests itself in different ways.

Affirmation means affirming who a person is—their identity. People need to know that they’re loved, cared for, and enough just the way they are. Our world is plagued by forces that leave us ridiculed with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. But we can overcome those feelings by reminding each other of our innate worth as human beings and of the fact that we are each loved more than we could ever know.

It also means affirming their journey towards fulfillment. We each have our own path, and these paths take twists and turns that we’d never expect. But the best thing we can do for each other as we try to navigate life is find ways to encourage one another and help each other find what we’re looking for. Maybe it’s as simple as telling someone you believe in them, or going so far as to make a personal sacrifice to help someone else get ahead. It looks different for different people, but we all have opportunities to affirm others as they seek their ultimate goal.

I think it’s worth noting that affirming someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with everything they do. Many of us know what it’s like to support a person while not being able to condone their actions. A couple of things to keep in mind in these situations: The fact that someone is doing things differently than you would doesn’t necessarily mean they’re wrong. And even if they are wrong, it’s still perfectly possible to support and care for them even in the midst of that. Sometimes, affirmation might even come in the form of loving correction or a call for someone to live up to what you know them to be.

And possibly the most overlooked element of affirmation is the affirmation of a person’s experience. Far too often, when someone expresses that they experienced something that we don’t like or agree with, our first reaction is to say, “That didn’t happen,” or, “You’re wrong for feeling that way.” This is extremely incompassionate and dehumanizing. Attacking someone’s experience is akin to attacking their reality itself, and that can be downright traumatizing.

We don’t get to tell someone else that their experiences or feelings aren’t real. We aren’t in their shoes. We don’t see things from their perspective. Who are we to say that what’s they’re expressing isn’t true? In the vast majority of cases, people aren’t lying to get attention. Whether it be calling out racism in our culture, reporting someone for sexual violence, or simply sharing how one feels about an everyday situation, the vulnerability involved is a huge risk, and we would do well to meet that risk with care and affirmation.

People need to know that they’re heard. People need to know that they’re loved. People need to know that they matter. We can offer them all of those things through affirmation.

We can’t affirm everyone in the exact same way. Obviously, this principle should be applied differently to different situations. In close relationships, affirmation can be deep and lasting. But we can also affirm random strangers through simple kindness and encouragement. It doesn’t take much to be an overflowing source of affirmation to those around you.

When we support and encourage others, we’re affirming their personhood. We’re giving them the opportunity to be all that they can be. We’re letting them know that we’re for them. And if we’re going to practice humanizing everyone, getting to a place where we’re for everyone seems like a fitting goal. It’s possible for each and every one of us, so let’s make it happen. Let’s affirm the identities, journeys, and experiences of others today and every day.

September 17, 2018 /Devon Dundee
compassion
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Equalizers

September 11, 2018 by Devon Dundee

Equality is another important element of treating people humanely (that is, as if they are human beings). We are each human beings equally created in the image of God, and as such, we are each of equal value. No human being is worth more than any other. I think it’s easy for us to agree with that intellectually, but do we actually live it out in our daily lives?

For most of the us, the answer is no. Because true equality is hard. The biggest roadblock to treating every person is equally, I think, is ingroup bias. Humans have a tendency to show a preference for those we think of as being a part of “our group.” Our friends and family members. Those who look like us. Those who live near us and share our nationality. Those who believe the way we do. Those who act the way we do.

We have a tendency to look at people who are like us and decide that we are all a part of a group. Then we apply an us-versus-them mentality to any given situation, and bam: ingroup bias. The people in our group—those who are like us—are the ones who matter most. Outsiders—those who are different from us—are either the enemy or, at best, irrelevant. They can fend for ourselves. We’ve got to take care of our own.

That doesn’t sound like equality to me. But it does sound like the world we live in. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say of a current issue, “That’s not our problem! We’ve got our own problems; let those people take care of theirs.” Maybe you’ve been guilty of saying something like that yourself. I know I have. But true equality, the recognition of every human being as equal, requires that we get rid of this divisive logic.

The solution, of course, is to train our brains to think differently. To expand our conceived ingroup until it includes everyone. This is a difficult exercise in compassion and empathy. In fact, for most of us, it will probably take our entire lives. But it is possible. Once we see that we’re not several groups of people competing with one another, but rather one group—the human race—working towards the same goals, we can begin to see a new way forward: the way of equality.

That’s a beautiful thought, but lest I show too much of my idealistic side, I’d like to offer a few practical ways that equality manifests itself in the world.

Equal Opportunity

We often like to say that in our country, everyone gets a fair shot at success. That simply is not true. We’ve come a long way towards meeting that goal, sure, but we’ve still got a long way to go. While it’s true that most everyone in this country now has the theoretical potential to find success, the reality is much less equal than you might think.

There are so many things that factor into a person’s opportunity for success, and it starts before they’re even born. Ethnicity and biological sex determine a lot of the assumptions the world at large will make about a person. A family history of poverty, discrimination, or oppression takes its toll on every person born into it through generational trauma. If a mother is unhealthy or under an inordinate amount of stress during pregnancy, her child’s development suffers. These are but a few of the ways opportunity is unequal even before birth.

And it carries on in life. If a child lives in an unsafe neighborhood, they will not be able to play outside, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and discover their full range of talents. Kids who grow up in poverty spend their time figuring out how to provide for themselves and their families rather than on excelling in school. Teachers and schoolmates alike make assumptions about students based on race, sex, and other factors that can take a toll and limit one’s potential, as we’ve seen in instances like young girls being discourage from studying STEM subjects and young people of color experiencing test anxiety due to stereotype threat.

This doesn’t even take into account the blatant racism, sexism, and other discrimination that people face out in the world. We might try to ignore or deny it, but bigotry is still at large today. And it creates unequal opportunity for those whom it targets.

But the inequality of opportunity goes deeper than any of that. The single biggest limiting factor in a person’s life, I think, is their own perception of what is possible. Research shows that when someone is expected by those around them to excel, they tend to do better, and when they are expected to fail, they tend to do worse. We call these expectations self-fulfilling prophecies. When you believe you can do something, you’re more likely to actually do it.

How did I know that I could get into college, earn a degree, and use the knowledge and insight I’d gained there to help me launch a successful career? Because I’d spent my entire life being told that I could do so by my parents. What if I had never been told by an authority figure that I was capable of going to college? Would I have done so? Maybe, but more than likely not, because the opportunity to believe in that wasn’t there.

What about kids who grow up in neighborhoods where no one ever seems to get out? Where the only people they know who aren’t struggling to make ends meet are gangsters and drug dealers? Where the only two lifestyle options they see are poverty and crime? How are they supposed to know that there’s any other option if they never see it? How can we say that they have an opportunity to break out of that cycle if they don’t even know it’s a possibility?

So no, everyone doesn’t have an equal opportunity. That’s why we talk about privilege. Someone who’s born into a well-off family, who isn’t the target of constant discrimination, and who has a broad and hopeful understanding of their own potential is a lot more likely to succeed than someone who isn’t afforded any of those privileges. Equal opportunity doesn’t exist, even thought we all implicitly know that it should. It’s an important part of equality.

What do we do about this problem? Solving the issue of unequal opportunity starts by recognizing it. Then, we must take steps to help underprivileged individuals compensate for the opportunity they weren’t afforded. That’s where things like affirmative action and diversity reporting come into play. The purpose is not to rig the system against those who are privileged; it’s actually quite the opposite. The point is to make up for the unequal opportunity by creating opportunities for those affected down the road. It’s an imperfect system, but it’s a necessary one, at least for now.

Of course, the long-term solution is to create a situation where equal opportunity for all is a reality. We do this by eliminating the factors that hold people back: discrimination, poverty, lack of healthcare, unsafe living conditions, and the like. If we wish to truly stand for equality, we must work to eliminate these factors so that each and every person will have an equal opportunity to succeed and to become all that they are meant to be.

Equal Treatment

This one sounds pretty straightforward: Everyone deserves to be treated the same. It’s simple, but it’s not easy to put into practice.

We each have preconceived notions about other people based on stereotypes about how they look, where they come from, and the like. We can’t help that. Our brains are wired to generalize and to make assumptions because, in a lot of cases, it’s helpful. Not so when dealing with other people.

Another cool thing about our brains: They can be reprogrammed. We can become aware of our own biases, name them, recognize them, and fight back against them every time they rear their ugly heads. Eventually, we can even overcome them. It requires literally fighting against our own thoughts, and that may seem counterintuitive. But it’s the only way to destroy the demons that live inside of us.

The solution is not to claim color-blindness. None of us is so perfect that we’ve remained untainted by the stereotypes fed to us by society and the people—even good, well-meaning people—who have influenced us. Besides, we don’t want everyone to be the same. Diversity is a beautiful thing. But everyone should be treated the same way without having to worry about facing discrimination.

The secret, as I mentioned above, is recognizing that we’re all on the same team. The single most effective way to overcome stereotypes and bring people together is to give them a common goal. Once we’re all working together, it’s so much easier to see each other for who we really are: human beings. And the great thing is that we don’t have to create a common goal because we already have them. We all want peace, justice, and prosperity for all. So let’s work together and starting seeing the false lines we’ve drawn between ourselves disappear.

Of course, the other part of equal treatment is removing any discrimination out in the world, and that’s very hard. We can’t control other people, but we can call them out when they express bias and treat others unequally. And we can’t single-handedly remove every discriminatory policy, practice, and norm out there, but we can remain vigilant to be on the lookout and work to change the ones we do see. Instead of burying our heads in the sand, we can practice a worldview of equality and be bold in holding ourselves and others to that standard.

Equal Consideration

I know you hear me say this all the time, but it can’t be said enough: Every single person matters. Their needs matter. Their experiences matter. Their feelings matter. Their opinions matter. Whether you identity with them or not, they matter. And they matter equally.

That means that we have to be willing to consider every single person equally. We have to listen to them and take into account what they have to say. We cannot reject their experience or their perspective just because they are not the same as ours. They deserve equal consideration alongside our own views, because they matter just as much.

I’m not arguing for relativism here. There are some, like neo-Nazis, who have lost their way and need to be told, “I’m sorry, but no. We’re moving in a better direction, and you can either get onboard or go do your hateful thing somewhere else.” And there will always have to be room for diversity of thought and belief. Again, we’re not looking for consensus or uniformity or the lowest common denominator. The goal here is equality.

So let’s stop assuming that our way of viewing the world is the only way, or at least the only correct way. Let’s start listening to the voices of those who have experienced the world much differently than we have, even those who fundamentally disagree with us. Let’s give those ideas consideration—serious consideration—even as we work through our own beliefs. Because every person has something to offer, and every person deserves equal consideration.


We’ve all heard of the fabled “great equalizer.” For as long as decent society has recognized the evils of inequality, we have sought a solution. Some thought it might be education, and the system has no doubt helped, but it’s still left much of the problem unaddressed. Then it was supposed to be the internet, but I’d say the web’s impact on issues of equality is mixed at best. We haven’t found a one-size-fits-all solution to inequality yet, and it’s unlikely that we ever will.

Maybe instead of searching for a great equalizer, we would do better to become mini-equalizers ourselves. We all have spheres of influence, and in those spheres of influence, we have the opportunity to practice equality, to stand up for the oppressed, and to make a difference. And who knows? If enough of us do this on our own and come together to fight systemic injustice, we might just become the great equalizer the world so desperately needs.

Equality is hard. Putting into practice the principles outlined above is not easy by any means, and I can’t say that I’ve fully mastered them myself. We all have ways that we can and should do better about practicing equality in our own lives. But I truly believe that if we each commit ourselves to practice equality to the best of our abilities and constantly seek out ways we can improve, we can make the world of more equal and humane place for everyone living here. After all, we’re on the same team. Let’s work towards this goal together.

September 11, 2018 /Devon Dundee
compassion
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