Misguided Gratitude

In case you’ve been living under a rock lately, the iPhone 6 was announced last week, and it’s awesome. I stayed up late Thursday night (and into Friday morning) to be one of the first to pre-order the new phone through Apple’s online store. These pre-orders are always crazy and difficult. The servers get slammed by the thousands upon thousands of people clamoring to be the first to get their hands on the precious new hardware, so it takes a while. When I finally got through and was preparing to check out with my new iPhone 6 Plus, I realized a horrifying fact: I couldn’t change my shipping address from my parents’ house to my apartment in Waco. Not wanting to miss out on my opportunity to buy the new phone, I checked out anyway, hoping I would be able to change the shipping address later.

Well, I wasn’t able to change the shipping address online due to some kind of weird new AT&T policy (shocker), so first thing Friday morning, I called Apple Support to see if they could help me. I ended up waiting on hold for an hour. I had time to go to the gym, eat breakfast, and get ready for the day all while listening to Apple’s hold music, which gets really old after a while. But finally after an hour of waiting, I was greeted by the friendliest customer support representative I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. He apologized for the long wait and immediately changed my shipping address, all while being kind and personable. The experience actually made the hour-long wait seem not so bad. As soon as I got off the phone with him, I took to Twitter to post about what a great experience I had had. But then I realized something: Why was I posting my gratitude toward this individual on Twitter, where he would probably never see it, when I could have actually told him what a great job he had done over the phone?

I just got off the phone with the nicest and most helpful Apple customer support agent ever. And he fixed my shipping address!

— Devon Michael Dundee (@devondundee) September 12, 2014

This is an example of what I call misguided gratitude. Instead of showing sincere gratitude to the person who deserves it, we proclaim our thanks to the world. But for what purpose? Sometimes the person may receive the gratitude that way. For example, if you know the person and tag them in your post. But usually, the person we should be thanking is someone we don’t know, and they never get the pleasure of knowing that their kindness and courtesy was appreciated.

I think that ultimately, misguided gratitude is more about ourselves than about the person we claim to be thanking. We want to seem grateful, but only in a way that benefits us. This isn’t the way we should be. Gratitude isn’t about building ourselves up. It’s about encouraging and affirming someone who we feel deserves some sort of recognition.

And gratitude doesn’t have to be a public act, either. Usually, it’s the smaller, private acts of gratitude that mean the most. If I had taken a few seconds to tell that Apple employee, “You did a really great job. Thank you so much for your help. You’re very good at what you do,” it might have made an impact on his day. It may have even given him that little extra encouragement to keep up his positive attitude, knowing that it was doing some good. But instead, I chose the route of misplaced gratitude and missed out on a great opportunity to build someone up.

Let’s take the time to show gratitude to one another, and let’s make sure we’re doing it in the right way. A thank you card. A short text saying how much you appreciate someone. Or even saying the two simple words, “Thank you,” to someone who does a small kind act for you as you’re going about your day. Showing gratitude isn’t difficult, but it’s something we all struggle with. Hopefully we’ll all learn from my mistake and direct our gratitude in the right direction in the future.

Friday Night Lights

Those of you who (like me) grew up in Greenwood know what it’s like to live in a small town that centers its identity upon the local high school football team. The whole town shows up to the home games, and the streets are deserted during away games. The head coach and the main players are treated like local celebrities. And it seems like all anyone can talk about from August to December is the next big game.

I’m not critiquing this kind of local football culture. I loved growing up in it. I wasn’t totally sucked into it like some people I knew, but I enjoyed going to the games on Friday nights, and I really appreciated the sense of community and identity that Greenwood Bulldog football offered. Now that I’ve gotten older and moved away, I can’t attend the games anymore, but I still root for the Bulldogs every Friday night, especially now that my little brother Drew plays on the team. I think my upbringing in Greenwood is part of what led me to connect so strongly with the TV show Friday Night Lights.

Friday Night Lights tells the story of Eric Taylor, the head coach of the Dillon Panthers football team, and his family as they try to navigate the crazy, hectic world of Texas high school football. The first season of the show begins with Eric’s becoming head coach of the Panthers after working as an offensive coach for several years. Expectations are high, and Coach Taylor’s skeptics are vocal as the season begins. Everyone in town has an opinion about how the coach should handle his team. And everyone wants to see the team win the holy grail of high school football: the state championship.

The team’s entire strategy is based around Jason Street, the best high school quarterback in the nation. Jason has been training for years for this season, his senior year, and everyone expects him to do great things. But in the first game of the season, Jason gets critically injured, leaving his team and new head coach Eric Taylor with a huge problem: How do they carry on without their star player? Part of the story of the first season is about Jason dealing with his injury and about his backup, sophomore and all-around nice guy Matt Saracen, trying to find his place as the team leader.

Although on the surface, the show seems to be about football, football is really just a tool that the writers use to develop the characters. Everything that happens on the field reinforces and symbolizes what is taking place in the characters’ personal lives. Friday Night Lights is extremely character-focused, and the characters they’ve created are dynamic, realistic, and very easy to connect with. It’s easy to find a favorite character or two that you really root for, and it’s fun to see their stories unfold. The show’s creators use a unique three-camera filming style and allow the actors to do a lot of improv, which leads to very real, very relatable conversations.

There’s no way I could cover all the characters on Friday Night Lights in this short blog post, but I will name a few of my favorites. Tami Taylor is the coach’s wife who finds herself working at the school as a guidance counselor. She’s sassy but wise, and she has some great one-liners throughout the show. Julie Taylor is Eric and Tami’s daughter, and she serves as the main love interest for Matt. Landry is Matt’s best friend. He plays a small role in the first season, but he becomes more and more important as the series progresses. Tim Riggins is the team’s fullback. He has some behavior issues, but he’s also got a good heart, and he’s grown to become one of my favorite characters. Buddy Garrity is a former Dillon Panther who now is in charge of the booster club. He’s the classic high school football player who never grew up, and his entire life revolves around Panther football. There are so many more characters on Friday Night Lights, and some cast members come and go throughout the seasons. If you decide to watch, you’ll find one or two characters that you especially connect with and root for, and that makes watching the show really fun.

Friday Night Lights really serves as an introduction to Texas culture. The show’s creator insisted on filming in the state, so the entire cast moved there for the duration of filming. The show captures the small-town feel and the state pride that comes along with growing up in the great state of Texas.

And the show deals with some real-life issues. Racism, sexism, drug abuse, grief, and abandonment are just a few of the themes that come up multiple times throughout the show. They have no problem taking these issues head-on and portraying them in ways that help the viewer understanding issues that they may not face in their own lives but that are problems in the world around us.

Friday Night Lights is a show about growing up in small football town. It tells some incredible stories about realistic characters whose lives revolve around God, football, and the great state of Texas. Football serves as a great mechanism for developing the characters and also adding to the show’s tension, but make no mistake: This is a show about life, not about football. I think Friday Night Lights is a show that can appeal to anyone who’s willing to give it a chance. It’s one of my favorite shows of all time. So check it out on Netflix or via the incredible DVD box set, and enjoy everything that the Dillon Panthers have to offer. Thanks for reading, friends! Texas forever.

Desensitized

The other day, I was having a conversation with someone and suddenly felt very uncomfortable. I had no idea why. I was perfectly comfortable with the person I was talking to. And I agreed with what he was saying. But for whatever reason, I just felt oddly uneasy. It took me days before I finally realized what it was. Every once in a while in the conversation, the guy I was talking to would use a curse word. I didn’t recognize that he was cursing at the time, but I did recognize this odd sense of discomfort as a result of it. And it took me some to realize where that discomfort was coming from.

This is a classic case of desensitization. That’s when you’re exposed to something so many times that you start to notice it less and less until eventually you don’t even notice it at all. When I was younger and I heard someone use a curse word, my response was immediate. It would get my attention and elicit some sort of emotion, usually shock. But now that I’ve been around it so much, my response has gotten weaker and weaker to the point that I sometimes don’t even recognize it anymore. It’s like when you come out of a movie and someone says, “That movie had so much cursing in it!” and you say, “Wow, I didn’t even notice.”

Now I wouldn’t say my desensitization is that bad yet. But that experience last week really was an eye-opener for me. I didn’t realize how susceptible I was to being desensitized, especially as someone who works in ministry. It can happen to anyone on any number of different things. That’s a part of the world we live in. But we have to be aware of it if we’re ever going to be able to do anything about it.

Desensitization isn’t necessarily bad in all cases. Think about how frustrating it would be if you woke up every time your air conditioner kicked on during the night. You wouldn’t be able to get any sleep! Thankfully, we become desensitized to these noises in the night, and we ignore them. Even in the case of curse words, a certain amount of desensitization can be good for some adults. If you work in a place where people are cursing a lot, it probably wouldn’t be best for you to have a strong emotional response every time you heard a cuss word. You’d never get any work done, and there’s no possible way you could witness to your unsaved co-workers if you were constantly upset with them.

But desensitization can go too far. If you were desensitized to something dangerous in your environment, such as the sound of an approaching vehicle or a threatening animal, that would be really bad. And if we get completely desensitized to things in our environment that are harmful to our souls, that can be bad, too. If you get too desensitized to hearing curse words, you may one day find them slipping into your thoughts or even out of your mouth! And we can’t have that. We’re meant to live in the world but to not to be of the world. As Christians, we’re called to be different. And too much desensitization can get in the way of that.

So what do we do about desensitization? It’s a tough question to answer, and every situation is different. But I think there are a few general principles that we would all do well to keep in mind when it comes to this topic. First of all, we need to recognize that desensitization exists, and that it is a threat. Secondly, we need to limit our exposure to harmful things in our environments as much as we can while also living in the world as we’re called to do. And finally, when we feel ourselves becoming too desensitized, we really need to search our hearts and eradicate the parts that we’ve allowed to become tainted by the world. We can only accomplish this with God’s help, and it’s going to require diligent prayer and time with him and his word every day.

We all become too desensitized from time to time. It’s a side effect of living in the world. And it’s not something to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. It’s something to watch out for and take care of when it becomes an issue. God has great plans for us to do wonderful things in his name as we live in the world. Let’s continue to do so as we also seek to become more and more like him each and every day. Have a blessed day, friends, and I’ll see you next week!

Sherlock

There are a few British TV shows that are really trendy in the U.S. right now. Incredible writing, a different kind of humor, and proper season/series lengths are just a few of the reasons I think Americans are enjoying British TV so much. But for a long time, I tried to avoid this trend. I didn’t want to jump on the bandwagon. My parents even started watching Dr. Who regularly before I had seen a single episode of a BBC show. In retrospect, I regret my decision to hold out for so long, because there is a reason everyone is watching these shows: They’re just that good.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself in a predicament. I had finished my summer TV show (Veronica Mars, which is very good by the way), but it wasn’t quite time for Fall TV to start back up. What was I to do? I didn’t really have time to watch a whole series before all my shows start back. But I couldn’t watch nothing. That would just be nonsense. So I decided to make a commitment I could manage. I decided to watch the nine episodes of Sherlock that have been released so far.

Sherlock is a British re-imagining of the adventures of “consulting detective” Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock, played brilliantly by Benedict Cumberbatch, is a self-proclaimed high-functioning sociopath who gets a kick out of solving crimes. Friendless and alone in the big city of London, Sherlock spends his time tailing police and solving their cases. He’s very good at what he does, but his arrogance and lack of tact have alienated nearly everyone in his life.

But then John Watson comes along. The series is really the story of Sherlock and John becoming friends and solving crimes together. But the pilot begins with them apart and proceeds to tell how they meet. John is an ex-military doctor who is down on his luck and in dire need of companionship. He’s straightforward, down-to-earth, and an all-around good guy. The pairing of John and Sherlock leads to some pretty hilarious clashes, but the two also compliment each other in the best ways, and that’s what makes them such a good team.

The cases that Sherlock and John solve are just insane. Every episode centers around one main mystery (or series of mysteries), and each 90-minute episode is pretty well-contained. You can watch the episodes on their own just for the sake of seeing how Sherlock and John manage to solve the mysteries, and that’s very enjoyable. But there are some overarching stories that carry over from season to season (particularly in the season finales) that reward viewers who stick with the show over time.

Speaking of the finales, don’t expect the seasons to end well wrapped up like the other episodes do. Each season ends with some sort of cliffhanger that leads into the larger plot of the next season and into the plot of the series as a whole. I think the series is still in the early to middle stages of setting up something really big for the future, and I’m excited to see where they go from here.

One of the downsides of British television is that their shows don’t follow a set schedule quite like American shows usually do. The season of Sherlock have been released sporadically, and each finale leaves you wanting more. Three seasons have been released so far (all available on Netflix), and a fourth season is set to release in early 2016 after a Christmas special in late 2015. I know that’s an awfully long time to wait, but good things take time, and I’m sure that it will be worth it. Besides, anticipation can be fun, right?

If you’ve never seen Sherlock, you should give it a chance. It’s really more like a set of mini-movies than a TV show, but you can watch the entire series in less than ten hours total. It’s a great show to watch when you’ve got a couple of hours to spare and want to watch something but don’t totally want to zone out. It will always keep you guessing, and every mystery ends with a conclusion that is satisfying and realistic. Check out Sherlock on Netflix, and let me know what you think of it! Thanks for reading, friends, and I’ll see you next week.

Not Ahead Enough

I’m the type of person who likes to start on assignments the day they’re assigned rather than the day before they’re due. And I have let that run rampant since I came to seminary. I’m currently at least one class session ahead on my assignments in every class. I’m not saying that to brag. There are reasons (specifically, the fact that I’ll be traveling the next two weekends) for why I’m working to get ahead. But that’s just the way I prefer things to be in all areas of life. I like to be ahead on things. This characteristic has its benefits, but it obviously has some drawbacks, too.

For example, once I get ahead on something, I become extremely worried about ever falling behind. And by “falling behind,” I mean becoming less ahead in that area than I already am. In fact, I try to push myself to get even farther ahead, and it turns into a sort of snowball effect that can leave me feeling stressed and anxious if I don’t keep it under control. While trying to fight off this feeling over the past week I came up with a name for it. I call it Not Ahead Enough Syndrome.

Not Ahead Enough Syndrome can affect anyone: students, people in the work force, even people who aren’t working or going to school. I think it’s part of our human nature (or possibly just our culture) to have periodic freakouts about where we are in life and how we aren’t as far along as we would like to be. I’m reminded of a scene from the movie It’s Kind of a Funny Story in which the main character, who suffers from sever anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, has a flashback to when he was five and declared that he was a failure at life because he couldn’t draw maps freehand. His mother lovingly responded by reminding him that he was only five years old, and no one can accomplish something like that at five.

I think that deep down, each of us has something like that inside of us. A voice constantly telling us that we’re behind and that we have to keep pushing ourselves and pushing ourselves to the next level and never letting it even become a possibility that we might fall behind and face the worst possible outcome: failure. We all fear failure, and so we get this idea that we’re not as far along as we should be, and if we don’t catch up soon, we’re going to lose everything.

But here’s something I try to keep in mind: Very rarely in life will you ever find yourself so far behind that you can’t catch back up. There are people in their sixties who are going to college to get an education. Opportunities to catch up are available. Deadlines can sometimes be pushed back if there’s just a little bit of grace involved. And when it comes down to it, most people can catch up on whatever it is they’re behind on with a good dose of hard work.

So don’t constantly stress yourself out with feelings that you’re falling behind. Look at what you’re trying to accomplish over the long-term and set manageable, short-term goals that will get you there in time. And then hold yourself accountable to those goals. If you can follow that simple plan, you’ll get to where you need to be in the desired amount of time.

And here’s an extra step that I’m going to put out there even though I often struggle with it: Don’t try to get ahead of your plan. You may finish a step a day or two early. That’s great. Give yourself a break. But if you try to get ahead of your plan, you’re constantly going to be concerned about when you’re going to finish the next step. You’ll fall into the trap of Not Ahead Enough Syndrome, and you may end up burning yourself out.

You are not as far behind as you think you are. You can and will accomplish your goals if you just take a few simple steps to set yourself up for success. Not Ahead Enough Syndrome is completely preventable. I’m not letting it rule my life; don’t let it rule yours.