We Need to Do Better About Mental Health

Lately, there has been a lot of talk in the news about issues surrounding mental health. This comes up almost every time there is a major tragedy in our society carried about by an individual who we consider one of our own. We do not want to face the fact that our way of doing things could produce such tragedies, and so we attribute the entire ordeal to the perpetrator's mental health, or lack thereof. Attributing these disasters to mental health while ignoring all other facets of the problem seems like a copout to me, but I do think it's good that mental health is being talked about.

Because the reality is that we do have a mental health problem in our country. So many people experience some kind of mental illness at any given time, and yet most of them go untreated. Treatment is unavailable or unaffordable, and besides that, there is a stigma attached to mental illness that causes people to hide their struggles. So instead of seeking help and getting better, people simply hide the problem until it gets so bad that it comes out in destructive ways.

I recently saw a video from John Oliver's show Last Week Tonight that uses research, humor, and logic to talk about the mental heal crisis in a constructive way. The video captures a lot of what I feel about mental health, so I thought I would share it with you.

The saddest thing about mental illness is that help is available, but there are just so many things that get in the way of people seeking it. And the problem starts with us. We've created a stigma surrounding mental illness, and it's literally costing people their lives. We do it in ways that are subtle for us, but they certainly aren't subtle for the people dealing with mental health issues. We throw around words like "crazy" without thinking about their implications. When someone is struggling with sadness or loneliness, we tell them they should "just get over it" or that if they have enough faith, their struggles will go away. These are destructive habits that create an atmosphere of judgment and prejudice, and it must stop.

Think about it this way: If your friend told you they needed to go to the doctor because they had a fever, how would you react? You'd probably encourage them to seek treatment, right? You might even offer to drive them to the clinic. But when someone seeks help for mental illness, we want to distance ourselves from it. Not only do we not want to be involved, but we make the person suffering feel like seeking help is a sign of weakness or would lead to being judged. Mental illness is just as real and just as dangerous (often more so) as physical illness. And just like physical illnesses, mental illnesses can lead to severe injury and even death if left untreated.

I understand that it's hard. Mental illness is a concept that is difficult for many of us to grasp, and that makes us want to stay away from it. And because mental illness is not easy to diagnose and observe, we struggle to see it even when it's right in front us. But with a little bit of education and a little bit of sympathy, we can all become advocates for those with mental illness. And not only advocates, but companions. We can come alongside people suffering from these illnesses, and we can tell them, "I'm here for you. I'm not leaving your side until we see you through this." It will be hard, and it will take time, but I believe that if we open our hearts and minds, we can see the mental health crisis in our nation and in our world end. Mental health is crucial to living a fulfilling life, and everyone deserves that chance. So let's work together to fight mental illness and give everyone the chance that they deserve.

Muslims Are Not Out to Get You

Recent events in world history have brought to the forefront yet again the issue of radical Islamic terrorism. Last week, ISIS staged attacks in Paris and in Beirut that affected countless people and left the world asking why. Why would anyone do something so horrific? What would prompt a person to attach an explosive to their body and detonate it, killing themselves and dozens of others? How can events like this happen over and over in what we assume to be a civilized world? These are legitimate questions, and I pray that one day we'll be able to get to the bottom of them and find a solution for this problem.

But that's not what this post is about. Instead, I want to talk today about a certain type of response to these tragedies that I find extremely problematic. It seems that every time a terrorist attack is carried about by a Muslim group like ISIS, a wave of anti-Muslim ideology sweeps over our national dialogue, and suddenly it becomes perfectly acceptable to say whatever one likes about this entire group of people. A quick browse of a Facebook news feed shows how willing we are to blame the entire Muslim religion and each Muslim individually for the actions of ISIS. I find this problematic for a lot of reasons.

First of all, it's simply unfair. To say that an entire group of people is responsible for the actions of a small subset of that group that isn't even condoned by the majority is illogical and unethical. Groups like Al Qaeda and ISIS are called radical Muslim groups for a reason. They are fringe groups within the Islamic religion, a tiny minority that does not respresent the whole. In all honesty, they're really just militant groups that use their faith as an excuse for their reproachable deeds and as a recruitment technique. But they do not represent what Islam is. Islam is a peaceful religion, and Muslims are by and large peaceful people. But because we assume that groups like ISIS represent the whole, we never see beyond what the media tells us about Islam, and that's unfair to the millions of Muslims who have nothing but good intentions.

Blaming all Muslims for the actions of ISIS is also hypocritical. It's an example of what psychologists refer to as in-group bias. We tend to assume that the people within our own in-group (such as our own religion, nationality, or race) exhibit diversity, but people within out-groups are all the same. The truth is that every group is diverse and includes a range of different viewpoints. No one would ever try to argue that the attrocities committed during the Crusades or the Inquisition represent the whole of Christianity. And yet this is what we do with Muslims. We believe that actions committed by one subset of the group represent the group as a whole. This is simply unacceptable, and it must stop.

Now we are in a place where unwarranted fear of all Muslims is threatening to stop us from helping other people. The Syrian refugee crisis has been wreaking havoc on the lives of millions of people for far too long, and the United States is finally getting involved by allowing some of the refugees to relocate here. Unfortunately, those refugees are going to be met with a great deal of skepticism, bias, and even hatred when they arrive. I've already seen multiple posts online claiming that the refugee crisis is simply a front for radical Islamic groups to bring their members to the American shore, and now state after state is publicly declaring that Syrian refugees are not welcome within their borders. This is utterly ridiculous.

The Syrian refugees are not terrorists. They are simply people—men, women, and children—who are trying to find a home. They've been displaced by violence, and they are trying to escape the exact events that many Americans are accusing them of. How much sense does that make? We are at risk of letting bias and ignorance get in the way of humanitarian efforts, and that simply cannot be tolerated. The refugees need our help, not our hatred, so let's give it to them.

Because the truth is that blaming Islam as a whole for terrorist attacks only perpetuates the world's problems. What is the biggest recruitment method used by ISIS? They teach young Muslims that Americans hate them and are a threat to their faith. Every time someone posts an anti-Muslim post on Facebook or makes a snide remark about importing terrorists from Syria, they are giving ISIS a little more ammunition to use against us and to recruit new members. Let me be clear: If you are promoting Muslim hatred, then you are supporting the radical Islamic terrorist groups, the very groups that you claim to hate. Anti-Muslim sentiment is a part of the problem, and it has to stop.

But we're not just making the ISIS problem worse. We're burning every bridge we've built with Muslims in our country and abroad, people who could be valuable allies in trying to solve the problem of terrorism.  There are good Muslims out there who want to see this violence end as much as we do. But we are pushing them away by blaming them for the very thing they're trying to prevent. And the truth is that we need as much conversation, collaboration, and fellowship between ourselves and Muslims as we can get. International, inter-cultural, and inter-faith dialogue, when done correctly, can do nothing but good for the world, and we need to be creating space for it instead of limiting it.

The source behind anti-Muslim sentiment is simply fear. And fear can be combatted easily by two things: education and exposure. When you take the time to actually learn about Islam and interact with Muslims, you learn that you have nothing to fear from the Muslim faith. In fact, I think we can learn a lot from interacting with our Muslim brothers and sisters, just as we have a lot that we can teach them. We live in an increasingly multicultural world, and we have to learn to adjust to that. The appropriate response is not fear but empathy and interest. So as we try to respond to the tragedy of terrorism, may we remember that Muslims are not the enemy. They are not out to get us. They are simply people who hate terrorism as much as we do. May we embrace our fellow human beings as we go through these experiences together, and may we learn to love those who are different from ourselves rather than fear them.

What I'm Watching: Fall 2015

Fall TV season is in full swing! With all the different channels and different shows, it can be hard to decide what to watch. Throw in sports and online streaming shows, and the amount of content can become overwhelming. Everyone has his or her own way of choosing which shows to watch and how much time can be dedicated each week to keeping up with TV. This year, I thought I would do a quick write-up of everything I'm watching this season and why I think it's worth watching.

A quick note on how I choose what to watch: Basically, I watch anything that I watched last year that is still on the air. If a show exists within a fictional universe that I'm already invested in (such as the Marvel Cinematic Universe), I'll watch it. If a show is suggested to me by someone I trust and share similar TV preferences with, I'll give it a shot. My TV watching habits are all over the place, but I hope you'll find something in here that is helpful to you.

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Once Upon a Time
Sunday | 7:00 pm | ABC

Basically, Once Upon a Time is Lost but with fairy tale characters. The show airs on ABC, which is owned by Disney, so the number of different properties the show can borrow from is staggering. In its fifth season, Once Upon a Time is bringing in Merida from the movie Brave and bringing back fan favorite Mulan. I'm enjoying this season so far especially because it involves a lot of role reversal. Emma, the hero and savior, seflessly allowed the power of darkness to enter her body last season in order to save her friends, but now she is struggling with the darkness inside her as former villains Regina (the Evil Queen) and Rumpelstiltskin must learn to be heroes. Also of note this season is the show's 100th episode, which will air as the mid season premiere next March.

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Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Sunday | 7:00 pm | Fox

I'm sure most of you are familiar with Andy Samberg from Saturday Night Live, Hot Rod, and the Lonely Island music videos. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is his first project post-SNL. It's a cop show about a precinct of detectives working to fight crime in New York. But don't let the premise fool you. This show is hilarious. Two of my favorite actors on this show are Terry Crews and Andre Braughner, who lead the wacky precinct and all of its shenanigans. It shows the more humorous side of life as a cop, but it also has some more tender moments as well. In a time when the police are constantly portrayed in the media in ambiguous ways, it's nice to have a show that lets us see the police as people with lives like the rest of us. This season (season three for anyone who's counting) shows the precinct dealing with their new leader and the (possible?) resolution to the will-they-won't-they question that's been hanging over Jake and Amy's relationship since season one.

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Gotham
Monday | 7:00 pm | Fox

Gotham is basically the opposite of Brooklyn Nine-Nine. It's a crime drama set within DC's Batman universe. But don't expect the Dark Knight to show up anytime soon. This show takes place when Bruce Wayne is a young teenager. The main character is Detective James Gordon, a fresh veteran who returns to Gotham to rid the city of its corruption. Along the way, Gordon meets famous Batman villains like a young Catwoman, Penguin, Riddler, and even the Joker. Basically, the show documents how Gotham got to a point where it needed a vigilante like Batman in the first place. In fact, this season (the show's second) has been dubbed Rise of the Villains, and the bad guys are actually featured as prominently as Gordon. It's a really cool concept that's keeping me coming back each week for more. Gotham is one of the few shows I actually consider worthy of watching live rather than online later.

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The Flash
Tuesday | 7:00 pm | The CW

DC Comics knows how to do TV well. They got a head start on Marvel on the small screen, and it shows. The Flash is DC's second show on The CW, technically a spin-off of Arrow (see below). Whereas Arrow is very grounded and features excellent stunts, The Flash is more science-fiction and features incredible special effects. The show follows Barry Allen, a young man who is hit by anti-matter in an explosion and gains the ability to run at superhuman speeds (told you it was sci-fi). Barry uses his powers to fight crime within Central City, especially in regards to other metahumans, people given special abilities from the explosion. Last season introduced the concept of time travel, and this year, Barry and his friends are navigating the complexities of parallel universes when a portal opens up to Earth Two and the other-worldly speedster Zoom shows up to kill The Flash. I think the show has lost a little bit of its momentum going into season two, but we're about to learn more about the main villain in this week's episode, so hopefully we'll pick up a little steam from there on. 

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Agents of SHIELD
Tuesday | 8:00 pm | ABC

Agents of SHIELD is set within the Marvel Cinematic Universe (think Avengers) and tells the story of the mysterious government agency SHIELD being run by none other than Agent Phil Coulson, one of the most beloved characters from the early MCU films. If you liked Coulson in Iron Man or The Avengers, you'll love SHIELD. In its third season, SHIELD is continuing where it left off last year with the team seeking out Inhumans (genetically enhanced humans) across the globe in order to form a team. Besides Coulson, the show features some beloved comic book characters such as Mockingbird and Daisy Johnson (aka Quake). There are also some original characters that did not exist in the comics before the show, and some of my favorites are Melinda May and the scientific duo Fitz/Simmons. SHIELD gives Marvel fans a dose of the MCU universe every week and includes fun easter eggs from the films for fans willing to watch closely.

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Grandfathered
Tuesday | 7:00 pm | Fox

I'm not going to lie. I started watching this show for one reason and one reason alone: the two lead actors. I've been a fan of John Stamos since I was kid watching Full House, and I basically grew up with Josh Peck as he went from The Amanda Show to Drake and Josh. In Grandfathered, Stamos and Peck play a father-son pair, and as you can imagine, the dynamic works really well. The premise of the show is that a successful single man finds out that he has a son he never knew bout. Sounds familiar, right? Well, there's a twist: At the same time Jimmy finds out he's a father, he also finds out that he is a grandfather. This sends his life into a tailspin as he has to reevaluate everything: his plans, his goals, his very view of himself. It's fun to watch Jimmy grow and learn how to be a family man after missing out for over twenty years. Grandfathered recently got a full season order, which means it's going to be around for a while. It's definitely worth a watch.

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The Grinder
Tuesday | 7:30 pm | Fox

The Grinder is the name of both a real comedy show that debuted on Fox this year and a fictional crime show set within the universe of the actual show.  The Grinder tells the story of two brothers, Dean (Rob Lowe) and Stewart (Fred Savage) as they deal with the end of Dean's long-running television show The Grinder. Dean, somewhat of a celebrity, moves in with his brother and decides to work at the family law firm, causing havoc for Stewart, who up to this point has been happy staying low-key and raising his family. Both brothers envy each other and push each other to become better. I loved Rob Lowe on Parks and Rec, and even though he's playing a very different character on The Grinder, he is just as hilarious. I didn't know much about Fred Savage before The Grinder other than the fact that he was Ben Savage's brother, but I enjoy his performance as well. This is a fun, family-friendly comedy that I enjoy watching when I just need a little brain break.

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Arrow
Wednesday | 7:00 pm | The CW

Arrow was DC's first major TV show to come out in the wake of Marvel's huge movie success, and it set the precedent for DC's incredible television presence. Arrow tells the story of Oliver Queen, a young billionaire who returns home after being stranded on a desert island for five years. As soon as he returns, he begins donning a green hood and using his archery skills to rid Starling City of its crime. Along the way, he wins over the heart of his city and assembles a team to help him fight injustice and corruption. This show features a lot of growth on Oliver's part, and the use of flashbacks to his time on the island enhance the story and create mystery. Arrow is a great show for anyone who likes action, stunts, and hearing an angry guy yell, "You have failed this city!"

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Star Wars Rebels
Wednesday | 8:30 | Disney XD

I promise this is the only cartoon I keep up with religiously, but can you really blame me? It's Star Wars. Rebels explores the time period between the two movie trilogies, a time when the Empire is building its strength and the Rebel Alliance is just beginning to form. The show follows a ship crew that includes a Jedi who somehow survived the purge, his new Padawan, a graffiti artist/explosives specialist, and a droid with an attitude. This season, the protagonists are finding their place within the young Rebel Alliance, and this comes with some growing pains. I love that this show gives me a dose of Star Wars every week, and I really appreciate the fact that there are several tie-ins to the Clone Wars series, as the show is created by the same crew. Star Wars Rebels is a great way to introduce kids to the Star Wars universe, but it's entertaining for adults as well.

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Jessica Jone
November 20 | Netflix

When I found out that Marvel and Netflix were teaming up for a series of shows, I was immediately excited. Netflix is the kind of company that understands the power of fostering a loyal fanbase through engaging, fan-centered content. And Marvel has the material to turn that into a reality. I don't know much about Jessica Jones, but if Daredevil (Marvel and Netflix's previous collaboration project) is any indication, we can expect great things from this show. Marvel is putting a lot into these shows, already ordering a second season of Daredevil and planning two more series before the epic tie-in miniseries The Defenders (kind of a street-fighting version of the Avengers). These Netflix shows give Marvel a chance to show off their lesser-known characters in more drawn-out ways than big-budget movies, and I'm really pumped to see where they go with Jessica Jones.

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Friends
Currently Available | Netflix

It's just a fact of life in this day and age. I'm always binging something. It's nice to have a show that I can turn on for a short study break or use for distraction from the pain when I'm at the gym. I probably don't have to make an argument for why you should watch Friends. It's classic, iconic American TV. But I have really enjoyed the few seasons of the show I've watched so far. I'm invested in the characters, their lives, and their relationships. There's a reason this show has stuck with people, and I'm glad I'm finally getting to experience that. It'll probably take me a while to watch through all ten seasons, but I'll get there eventually. It'll be worth the investment.

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So that's what I'm watching this Fall. On paper, it seems like a lot, but I can't imagine giving up any of my shows. Whether you like to watch a lot of shows or just one or two, it's nice to have something to keep up with each week and to be able to engage with others about. So what are you watching this season? Do we watch any of the same shows? Are there some I should add to me list? Let me know in the comments!

Back to New York

Visiting New York City is something I've dreamt of doing since I was a child. I've always thought of the city as a magical place full of really successful, interesting people running around doing really successful, interesting things. I always hoped that I would be able to go there one day, but never in a million years did I think I'd be able to travel there at such a young age. I certainly didn't think I'd ever be able to say I was going "back to New York." But alas, things turned out that way. Last week, I was blessed to visit New York City for a second time.

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Trying to share all the details of the trip would be lengthy, so I'll stick to the highlights. I was supposed to leave Dallas at 5:30 on Wednesday afternoon, but my flight was delayed for a few hours. Sitting in an airport awaiting a trip that you're really looking forward to is just painful. Now I understand why people hate flying so much. But with a little time and patience, I eventually landed at LaGuardia Airport around 2:00 am New York time. And when I got to baggage claim, I was reunited with my girlfriend Millie, and that made all the traveling worth it.

The occasion for my trip was Millie's birthday. She turned 23 on October 29, and I wanted to give her a special day to celebrate. We started with brunch at a little place called Café Orlin, and it was incredible. I was nervous taking Millie to a restaurant I'd never tried or even seen before, but it was a risk well worth taking. We took a walk in Central Park, which is just gorgeous in the Fall, and took lots of pictures. And we ended the day with a stroll on the beach at Coney Island followed by dinner at the original Nathan's. It was a wonderful day. Trying to plan out a whole day in a city you've only visited once before is stressful, but when you're exploring a city like New York with someone you love, you can't go wrong.

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Friday was a more low-key day. We spent most of the day in Queens. We happened to stumble upon the perfect breakfast place and had amazing bagels. We also got some quality Netflix time in, because that's what couples do. Friday night, we put on our costumes and went to a local music show in Astoria. I felt a little silly dressing up a day early (actually, I felt silly dressing up at all), but it was a lot of fun. New Yorkers love Halloween, and they have no problem telling you if they like your costume.

Saturday was my last real day in New York. Millie and I have this burger joint that we really like on Broadway, so we went there for lunch. Then we went to our favorite bakery for dessert. I don't know how she lives so close to that place without gaining a million pounds. It's just amazing. Then we took our second trip out to Coney Island, this time to participate in their Halloween festivities. They had a pumpkin patch, so we bought a pumpkin that Millie painted to look like a cat. We rode the famous Wheel of Wonder, which has been at Coney Island for almost 100 years. We went on a go-kart ride (Millie's first), and I won a prize out of one of those claw machines on my first try. I'm going to go ahead and call that a miracle.

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That night, we got dressed up in our costumes again and just enjoyed the city. We walked around Times Square and did a little shopping. Then we went to Union Square and walked for over a mile checking out places to eat. We ended up at a quiet, fancy little Italian restaurant. Despite the fact that I was in a giraffe costume, I wanted to take Millie somewhere nice on our last night together in the city. We had the best time sitting next to each other, enjoying good food, talking, and just being with one another. I couldn't have asked for a better way to end my trip.

The next morning, I woke up ridiculously early to make my 6:00 am flight. Saying goodbye was hard, but by 9:00, I was back in Dallas, and I made it home before lunch. I miss the city, but more than that, I miss my wonderful girlfriend. I'm so thankful for the time we got to spend together and for the amazing time I had in the city that never sleeps. My time in New York was a welcome vacation, an opportunity to celebrate someone I truly care about, and exactly what I needed to rest, relax, and simply be. I'm already trying to figure out when I'll get it to go back. I'm sure it won't be too long. But until then, I'll have New York on my mind.

Getting My Act Together

"It just feels like every time I try to get my act together, something comes along and gets in the way." —me, a few days ago

My life often feels like a cycle alternating between complacency and struggle to change. I find an area of my life that I want to work on, and I work on it intensely for a short while. When I get to a place where my attempts at improving have become habitual and I'm happy with the progress, I back off and allow myself to cruise for a bit. But inevitably, I either revert back to my previous habits or find a new area where I want to improve, and the cycle starts all over again.

This is probably healthy. It's better to try to improve and have some success than to simply never try at all. The long-term result of this cycle is a slow but steady self-improvement, and for that I am very thankful. But sometimes, this cycle really bothers me. You see, starting the process of positive change takes a lot of energy because it is always met with resistance. Inertia—the law of physics that says objects at rest tend to stay at rest unless enacted upon by a strong outward —can be easily applied to people's habits as well. And mustering the energy to overcome that resistance is hard, especially when you think you've finally overcome it only to find that there's more resistance ahead of you.

I'm in the early stages of a period of self-improvement right now. I'm trying to do better in a few different areas, and one of them is money. I've never been particularly good at saving, budgeting, and managing my finances, so I decided to take steps towards improving that area of my life. I started building my credit. I changed to a bank that would better serve me and help me manage my funds. I even implemented a (very basic) budget that has done wonders for me. I started to feel really good about this decision, like I was making real progress. And then the resistance showed up.

Unexpected costs, the temptation to spend what little I had saved on some shiny new piece of tech, and frustration with the resources I was working with began to sneak in. And along with them came the question that I always have to face when I'm trying to improve: Does this even really matter? Is there any way I can possibly do better in this area, and even if I could, would it be worth it? Why even try?

I'm not going to lie; this resistance has been very discouraging to me lately. And I imagine that you've faced similar resistance when trying to improve an area of your life. Whether it's health, finances, education, your faith, relationships, or something else, there is always initial resistance we try to make a positive change. It makes us want to give up. Sometimes it feels like our only option is to stop trying to improve. But we can't. Because fortunately, there is more to the story than just the resistance.

Because in the midst of resistance, there is grace. There are people and situations in our lives that enable us to continue along the path to improvement. There are cheerleaders who are willing to support us. There are saviors who are willing to help us. There are listeners who are willing to put up with our rants about how unfair the world is. There are strangers who have no idea what we're struggling with but give us the encouragement we need simply by smiling at us on the street. There are Plan Bs to back us up when our Plan As inevitably fail. And there is a God who is willing to love us and guide us into being the people he has called us to be.

Make no mistake: If you try to get better, there will be resistance. But there will also be grace. And for that grace, I am thankful. I am thankful for the grace that God shows me by forgiving me when I fail. I'm thankful for the grace that other people show me through their support. And I'm thankful for the grace that I'm able to show myself when I look back on the small victories and say, "Good job, you'll do even better tomorrow." Because getting better doesn't happen overnight. And sometimes you take a couple of steps back before you can take a few more forward. But with grace, I truly believe that things can and will get better, and I'm trusting in that as I press on through the resistance.