Unresponded Texts

We all do it. If you say you don’t do it, you’re lying. We may as well just admit it now: Everyone leaves some text messages unresponded every once in a while. I don’t do it a lot. But it does happen from time to time, and I’m using this as an opportunity to admit it. Maybe my public confession will give you an opportunity to confess it as well.

It’s not like I mean to. I don’t (usually) look at a text and think, “I’m not going to respond to this.” It’s just that things come up. Maybe I don’t know how to respond at the moment, so I set it aside and end up forgetting. Maybe I’m in the middle of something that I can’t really get away from, and I just never get around to responding later. Maybe the text just doesn’t seem meaningful—or sensical—enough to merit a response. I don’t know. What I do know is that I often check my phone and find that I neglected to respond to a text that I received several hours before.

It doesn’t bother me so much when I’m the one who isn’t responding. But when it’s my text message that isn’t receiving the response, things feel a little different. When I’m the one waiting for the other person to text me back and wondering why they aren’t, it sometimes upsets me a little bit (or more). Even though I know in my head that I forget to respond to texts all the time, it bothers me when other people neglect to respond to my messages. It’s illogical, I know. But it’s the way it is.

I know it’s a silly example, but the truth is that we all have double standards. We excuse ourselves for the same things that we hold others accountable for. When we’re the ones doing the bothersome thing, we always have an excuse. But when someone else does something that bothers us, we won’t accept anything short of an apology (and sometimes even that won’t work). We constantly give ourselves the benefit of the doubt but rarely extend that same grace to others. This should not be so.

Here’s what I think the problem really is: We judge ourselves on our intentions, but we judge others on their actions. We can look into our own minds and see that we don’t mean to hurt other people, but we can’t look into the minds of other people. And so we assume the worst. When they hurt us, we don’t think about their intentions. We focus on what they did and how it affected us. And thus, the double standard is born.

What if we extended the same grace to others that we are always so willing to show ourselves? What if we chose not to assume the worst but instead to give others the benefit of the doubt and believe that, even if their actions were hurtful, their intentions were pure? We’re obviously capable of this; we just choose not to. I’m not saying it’s easy. But I am saying it’s possible, and I think it could make relating with other people a lot easier.

Call me naive, but I tend to think that most people are good people. Yes, there are some people out their with truly evil intentions, but they are few and far between. I believe that most people at their core are good and have good intentions, even if they struggle to live those intentions out. Most people I have met in my life have been kind and helpful, not mean or intentionally hurtful. If we give people the benefit of the doubt and show them grace even when they do things that bother us, we may be able to see past their misguided actions and actually see how good people really are.

So I’m going to try to stop assuming the worst when my texts go unanswered. And I’m going to do my best to extend the grace that I show myself in the face of my mistakes to other people. Because when it comes down to it, who we are is so much more than simply what we do. And if we give other people the chance to show us that, we may be pleasantly surprised.

That’s all I had to say this week. I hope this blog post has been uplifting to you, friends. Have a great week, and I’ll see you soon!

Why I Feel Like I'm Never Getting Anything Done

I’m not going to lie. I’m addicted to busyness. I probably always will be. I absolutely love the feeling of always being on the go, always getting something done, always being productive. And I brag about it. When people ask me how things are going, I often smile and say, “Busy, but good.” For whatever reason, I think of busyness as the way things should be, and it makes me feel accomplished when I can keep up that state.

But I know this isn’t healthy. And it’s something I struggle with constantly. Because even though busyness can be enjoyable, I also know that it can be destructive. If I let my life become one big to-do list and I’m constantly just trying to finish one thing so I can move on to the next, I lose sight of what really matters. I become disconnected from everyone and everything, and I end up feeling isolated and unfulfilled. So I fight my tendency to fall into the safe routine of busyness in the best ways I know how.

One of the greatest ways I’ve found to resist the allure of busyness is keeping a realistic view of the progress I’m making. And this is really hard for a few different reasons. Like the victim running from the villain in a horror movie, I often feel like I’m putting forth so much effort and not making any progress. And I’ve heard many other people express this same feeling. We work and we work, but it never feels like we’re getting anything done. Why is that, and how can we fix it?

First of all, I think we’re overloaded. We live in a culture that tells us busy is the only proper way to be. We have so many responsibilities coming from so many different places, and we just can’t seem to say no. We spread ourselves so thin that we can barely keep it together, and so when we try to get things done, we feel like we’re not making any progress because we still have a million other things we have to do.

The solution to this problem is a simple one, but it’s not easy to carry out. We have to learn to say no. We have to learn to let other people handle things and focus on the responsibilities that are core to us. I recently heard it explained this way in a Bible study: Each of us needs to pick the two or three things that are core to our calling, and we need to focus solely on those things. If an opportunity arises that sounds interesting but isn’t related to those core things, we need to turn it down. We have to trim the fat off our to-do lists so that we can put all our energy and effort into the few things that really matter.

But even when I’m not overloaded, it still sometimes feel like I’m never getting anything done, no matter how hard I work. I think another part of the problem is how segmented my life is. I have my school life, my home life, my church life, my relationships, and so on. And at different times, different areas of my life have to take a leading role. Sometimes I need to be totally focused on school. Other times, I have things around the house that I need to get done. But no matter what I’m doing, I often wonder if I should instead be working on something else. Sure, my apartment is dirty, but is vacuuming really as productive as reading for class? No matter which one I choose, I’m going to feel like I should have been doing the other one.

I think this problem is solved by looking at our lives wholistically. In reality, there’s not a school Devon and a family Devon. There’s just me. It’s all my life. And when I’m working on something in one area of my life, it affects the rest. Cleaning my apartment helps me feel more comfortable in my space, which keeps me mentally healthy and allows me to work well when I do decide to do schoolwork. Doing schoolwork is training me for ministry. And so on. I’m not doing these things just to do them. I’m becoming something, and every bit of progress is a step in the right direction. If I can just remember that, it can help me feel like I’m getting things done.

Finally, I feel like I’m never getting anything done because I’m way too hard on myself. Even when I get something done I say, “Well, it could have been better,” or, “Why did I wait so long to do that?” I never let myself celebrate my progress. And that is draining. We have to celebrate even the small victories. I’ve learned to take a pause after every accomplishment, no matter how tiny, and just enjoy it. And it’s made a huge difference.

So there you have it. That’s why I feel like I’m never getting anything done, and how I deal with it. This has just been on my mind lately for whatever reason, and I hope that this has been helpful to you. Thank you for reading, friends, and I’ll see you guys next week!

Noise

I almost always do my best work from home. I like to think in my own space where I can control the temperature, the environment, and most of all, the noise level. I generally work in total silence. If there is music or conversation going on around me when I work, my attention tends to redirect from the task at hand to whatever the distracting sound is. This obviously limits my productivity and is one of the biggest reasons why I like to do most of my work in my bedroom rather than out in public.

But lately, I’ve been diversifying my work environment. I’ve spent a ton of time in the library over the past couple of weeks. I’ve found myself reading at my church and at coffee shops instead of in the solitude of my bedroom. These places are noisy. The library is full of students, there’s a preschool of screaming children at my church, and Starbucks is probably one of the loudest places one can go due to its popularity. I thought the noise would limit my ability to work, but it actually did just the opposite. Being around other people and hearing them talk, move around, and go about their days actually helped me concentrate on what I was doing. And when I tried to work from home again, I missed the noise. Somehow, I found the noise not only helpful, but comforting.

I generally tend to live a noiseless life. I’m not talking about literal volume so much as the seemingly unnecessary things in life that tend to distract us more than to enhance our productivity. My life is usually a never-ending to-do list, and I am constantly going through the process of trimming out things that keep me from getting that list done in the quickest way possible. I’m not particularly social. I don’t go out a lot because I try to focus on work. And I’ve given up certain TV shows not because I didn’t enjoy them but simply because they were taking up too much of my time. I have a habit of trimming unnecessary time commitments (aka “noise”) out of my life. It’s just something that I’ve been taught to do.

But recently, I’ve been re-thinking my stance towards noise. What if noise isn’t so much an unnecessary distraction as a necessary release? What if we all need a little bit of inefficiency, of impracitcality, in our lives? What if the noise is what grounds us and keeps us connected to the world when we’re tempted to get so wrapped up in ourselves that we can’t even recognize that there’s something outside of us anymore?

I understand that not all noise is good. We are bombarded in our culture by so many voices that can harm us. I do believe that we should filter out and avoid that kind of noise to the best of our abilities. But not all voices are harmful. And not all noise is bad. We just have to learn to distinguish the bad from the good.

There’s a reason I miss the noise when it’s gone. Because the noise is real. The noise is grounding. And the truth is that I need the noise from time to time, no matter how hard I try to keep it out. So I’m going to embrace the noise, not avoid it. I can’t let the noise keep me from accomplishing my goals and requirements, but that doesn’t mean I have to cut the noise out altogether. Noise in and of itself isn’t bad. So embrace the noise, and see what it can do for you.

Parks and Recreation

A couple of weeks ago, one of the greatest shows on television came to an end. Parks and Recreation (often shortened to Parks and Rec by fans) ran on NBC for seven wonderful season from 2009 to 2015, running a total of 125 episodes. The show had an avid following of viewers who loved tuning in each week to see what new shenanigans were going down in their beloved town of Pawnee, Indiana. Parks and Rec will be missed by myself and countless other fans, so I thought it would only be fitting to dedicate a Stuff Devon Likes post to this wonderful show.

Parks and Recreation is a mockumentary-style comedy about a group of people working in the Parks department of a town in Indiana. Like The Office, the show combines traditional TV style with interlaced, scripted interviews in order to heighten the comedy level and highlight the sheer ridiculousness of the situations the characters find themselves in. One of the recurring themes of the show is the amount of waste, redundancy, and immaturity that can be found in small-town politics, but it isn’t hyper-critical. It just points out these elements of government work that we’ve all heard of and uses them to make us laugh and tell a compelling story.

The main character in Parks and Rec is Leslie Knope, an extremely ambitious government employee. When we meet Leslie, she is the deputy director of the Parks department in her town, and she takes her job very, very seriously. Her ultimate goal is to become the President of the United States, and she uses her ambition to do amazing things in what would be considered by many to be a mundane job. Leslie’s foil is her boss, Ron Swanson. Ron, an old-school carpenter who has an obsession with his own privacy, hates the government, but has somehow found himself in charge of Pawnee’s Parks department. The interplay between Leslie and Ron is very endearing, and it is a big part of what has kept the show engaging over the years.

But the other characters on the show are just as quirky and compelling as Leslie and Ron. The show begins with Leslie meeting Ann, a nurse who quickly becomes her best friend. Ann’s boyfriend Andy (played by one of my favorite actors, Christ Pratt) has fallen into a giant pit next to Ann’s house, and Ann seeks out Leslie’s help in getting Andy the care he needs. Leslie decides to turn the pit into a park, which sets off a fun series of events that ultimately changes things for everyone on the show. Other characters include Tom, a wannabe playboy with an eye for entrepreneurship; Donna, a sassy member of the Parks and Recreation department with a really active Twitter account; Jerry, the show’s scapegoat; April, the angsty intern; Ben, an inspector from out of town with a tragic political history; and Chris, the hyper-positive fitness enthusiast who moves to Pawnee with Ben.

The town of Pawnee itself could also be considered a character in the show. Pawnee is a very strange place. It has one of the highest obesity rates in the country. It’s run by a corrupt government of immature, self-interested politicians. And the population of Pawnee can’t decide if they love Leslie or hate her. They turn on her constantly, but ultimately, she knows that they’re her reason for doing what she does. It’s very inspiring to see someone who cares so much about her community work hard for years to make it better, and ultimately see the positive results for the town and for Leslie herself.

In the end, Parks and Recreation isn’t about corrupt government. It’s the story of a woman who cares about where she lives so much that she’s willing to dedicate her life to improving it. It shows us that one person really can make a difference in the lives of countless people. And it shows us how people can change and grow together into a true family and community. Parks and Rec is funny, it’s quirky, and it’s heart-warming. If you haven’t checked out, give it a shot. Parks and Recreation is available on Netflix or DVD, and you can stream the newest episodes on NBC’s website. Check out Parks and Recreation, and let me know what you think of it. Have a great week, friends!

Home

I’ve always had a complicated idea of what I consider to be my “home,” and I don’t think I’m alone in that. It’s a very difficult word to define. Home is often used to refer to the place where one lives. When I leave somewhere to go back to my apartment, I tell people I’m going home. But living in a place doesn’t necessarily make it my home, and it’s not the only way the word can be used. Home can also refer to the place where one grew up. Next week on Spring Break, I will be going home to Greenwood, AR. That is where I spent the majority of my childhood, and that is where my family currently lives. In a sense, Greenwood still is and probably always will be my home. These are two of the main places I refer to using the word “home.”

But for many, neither of these definitions adequately describes what they consider to be “home.” For some, home may be a place that one visited in the past and yearns to return to, where one feels most alive. Or it may be centered more around a person than on a geographical location. And for Christians, the idea of “home” is further complicated by the fact that we believe our true home is a place we haven’t even been to yet: heaven. With all these different ideas of home, how does one make sense of it? What does the word “home” really mean, and how can I know if I’ve truly found it?

First of all, I think it’s important to understand that home doesn’t necessarily have to be a physical place. It can be, and it probably usually is, but I think the true definition of home isn’t limited to space. Home is more about a deep feeling of fulfillment, belonging, and comfortability that is unique to a certain context. Whether that context is a literal place or maybe something a little less tangible, it can still be considered home.

I also think a working definition of home would be incomplete if it did not recognize that a person can (and possibly should) have more than one home. Just because someone feels deeply connected to a certain place or context, that does not exclude the possibility of being deeply connected to another place or context. This has some accompanying complications. It can be unhealthy to try to live in two places (or try to live in one place when your heart is in another), but I do not think that having more than one home is unhealthy in and of itself. I think it shows that a person is capable of growing roots while also spreading their wings, and I think that is something worthy of respect.

There are different kinds of homes. There’s your functional home, the place you live. Hopefully everyone has some sort of space that is his or her own, even if it’s just one corner of a bedroom that you share. I know that I don’t function well when I don’t have some space that I can call my own. But there are also deeper types of home. There are significant places from your past. I know many people detest their hometowns and would never call them their “homes,” but I love where I grew up, and I still call it home to this day. There are relational homes. Maybe you have a family member or a close friend who lives somewhere that you’ve never lived, but you still feel a homely feeling toward that place simply because of the person that’s there. That’s a type of home. And there are others, as well.

And just because you consider a place home now, that doesn’t mean you always will. As you grow and change, what you consider home will grow and change, too. When I lived in Conway, AR, for undergrad, I considered that place a sort of home because I was living there. But now that I’ve moved away along with all of my close friends who were there with me, I don’t feel at home there anymore. I feel a fondness for it, sure. But it’s not home. And that’s OK.

But it is very important that you have a home. You need a place where you feel comfortable, complete, and fulfilled. Without some kind of home (again, not necessarily a physical place per se), a person has no roots. There’s nothing connecting him or her to the world, and he or she can quickly become just a floater. Even if the only definition of home you have is one person you truly care about and feel connected with, you have a home, and everyone needs that.

Ultimately, home is the place where you feel the most alive. The place where you can truly be yourself. Maybe home is where you live. Maybe it’s where you grew up. Maybe it’s somewhere you’d like to be. Or maybe it’s someone you can totally be yourself around. For me, my home is a combination of many of these things. And I’m happy with that definition. May you each find the place or places that make you feel the most alive and plant your roots deep wherever it is you call home.